8th Grade - Week #2

Well we survived week #2 of 8th grade.....or at least as much as possible. Not sure if I mentioned in my previous post, but aside from the "first week of school anxiety" and minor issues, we had a bunch of other stuff to deal with. Hubby's vehicle died.....thus we had to deal with the repair issues for that.

When this week began, I think I had more anxiety than anyone else. Dealing with the vehicle repair issues, the anniversary of 9/11, and just the normal day to day stress things....but Taz did well on Monday and Tuesday, thus I had high hopes that this week would go well. Silly mommy, when will you learn?

Yep, my little bubble of hope was burst on Wednesday when the school called and said "You need to come and pick Taz up." Sigh....ok, no other details were given, and from the tone of the secretary's voice I could tell it was something fairly serious. As I drove to the school, a million different scenes played out in my head and I kept wondering what Taz might have done. When I entered the building, there was Taz sitting on the bench in the lobby with Mrs. K holding onto him tightly.....not a good sign. Apparently he had become annoyed with another student's behavior, thus decided to act out and make bad choices.....one of which was trying to run off to the restroom repeatedly. Ok, hiding out in the restroom isn't that bad, however making the choice to purposely pee in the corner all over the floor instead of using the urinal was a bad choice.....which led to a 1-day suspension. Double sigh....

As Mrs. K explained the reason why this behavior resulted in a 1-day suspension, I just looked at Taz and said "Seriously dude?!?!" -- yes I was very annoyed and I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes. I knew in my heart that Taz understood why his behavior was wrong.....what he had done was a "bad choice"....and I will admit, it just made my heart sink a bit. This was what they call "cycle behavior" --- something he hasn't done in years. Mrs. K explained that they did have Taz mop up the mess (and yes, in my head I just thought "good, he should have to clean it up") although I refrained from making a comment because I was afraid that if I did, I'd burst out in tears. So instead I just stood there and listened as Mrs. K gave me the short version of what had taken place, biting my lip to keep from crying and all the while giving Taz that "mean mom" glare. On the drive home I asked him "why did you pee on the floor?" and his response was "I don't know"....seriously dude? Sigh....

Later that afternoon we sat down and talked to Taz about making good choices, having good behavior at school, and all of the other things we've discussed a million different times before. I couldn't help but feel like a broken record....seems like I've repeated these things and had various discussions like this with him over and over. I couldn't help but wonder when it all would sink in.....when will he finally "get it" and understand that he can no longer do these things? I also began to doubt myself and wonder where it is that I've gone wrong? I've listened to all of the so-called experts and have followed their advice.....yet things like this continue to happen. How can I prepare Taz for adulthood and what types of behaviors are and aren't acceptable? How can I get this stuff to click in his head so he will understand? By the time the kids went to bed that night, I was feeling extremely beat down emotionally and mentally.....

Taz's suspension was technically not really a suspension....just more of a "ok, he has to go home for the rest of the day because of his bad choices, then he can come back to school tomorrow and start fresh" type of things. So Thursday morning I did everything that I could to make sure it would be a good day.....I even resorted to a bribe. Yes, I bribed my kid.....hey, at this point I'll do whatever works. Taz loves to use the computer to look up stuff -- for example, he is fixated on hockey right now, thus he is always looking for sports updates and information about his favorite team and players. Thus my "bribe" was as follows:  have a good day at school and make good choices, and the "reward" would be 15 minutes of computer time when you get home from school. To make the reward & deal a little better, I gave him one dollar to purchase something from the snack bar at school.....hopefully that would be the cherry on the top of the sundae to keep him on track and doing well at school for the day. The bus arrived and I kept my fingers crossed that all would go well.

My day was spent communicating with "the team" (IEP team) via email and phone calls.....discussing what other tweaks we could do to his behavior plan, and what other possible incentive things we could brainstorm that would keep Taz on track and doing well this year. One thing that his aide has tried at school....after lunch the kids all hang out in the gym. I was told that Taz has become more interested in trying to play basketball with some of the gen ed kids, thus his aide has used that as an incentive.....good behavior and choices during the morning classes equals having some time to play basketball with the other kids after lunch. Well that seemed to work for Thursday, because he did really well all day (I'm sure the bribes from mom helped also, but hey whatever works right?).

In between the phone calls and emails with the team, I received a phone call from my niece. She was calling to let me know that my mom's estate was finally what they considered to be "officially settled".....the bills were all paid and everything from mom's home has either been sold, donated, or dumped in the trash. Now if you've read my previous blog posts about the issues with my family, you're aware of all of the drama that has taken place since my mom passed away, especially in regards to her financial stuff. If not, then I suggest you take a moment to read some of the old posts. Suffice to say, I haven't spoken to 2 of my sisters in several months....and at this point, I doubt if I ever will. Too much has been said....and there has been too much pain and heartache, thus whatever relationship we might have had died the day that mom did. In my humble opinion, there isn't anything left to try to salvage or use to rebuild a relationship, thus it's time to let go and move on.

But now that things are technically settled and done in regards to the estate, I can close that chapter in my life and move on. The other reason for my niece's call was to inform me that after all bills were paid, etc there was a little bit left over....not a huge windfall by any means, but a little something that would help financially. And my share would be enough to at least cover the repair costs so we could get hubby's vehicle fixed. That was a huge relief to say the least! After I finished talking to my niece, I hung up the phone and just sobbed. All of the stress, all of the heartache and pain -- everything that I had just pushed down and tried to bottle up for the past few months just came rushing to the surface, and for the first time in months I allowed myself to have a mini meltdown.....I sobbed like a baby for at least 20 minutes. The realization that this is it -- my mom is really gone -- and everything is finally settled and done -- just hit me, and it hit me hard. I cried for what I had lost, and I cried for what I had gained.....and I cried for how bittersweet the reality of it all was.

On a good note, Taz had a great day at school Thursday....and I kept my promise (bribe) and allowed him to have computer time when he got home from school. I told hubby about the phone call with my niece. Then I went back into "mom mode" and worked to prepare myself for Friday, and tried to determine how we'd keep Taz on track for this school year. Friday morning, I once again reminded him while we were waiting for the bus...."remember honey, good choices and behavior today will equal computer time when you get home." He nodded his head and off he went.....and once again, had another great day at school. During a phone call with one of the team members, I was informed that Taz has shown a great interest in basketball....and some of the gen ed kids that he's been playing ball with during lunchtime will be trying out for the 8th grade team, thus they have mentioned it to Taz. As a result, Taz wants to try out for the team. Yikes!

The thought of him playing on a team sport with gen ed kids scares the hell out of me....number one, he's not that good at basketball (yes I really did just say that), secondly he's never been involved in any type of club or team sport, thus I really have no clue if he can grasp that a "real" basketball game is much different compared to the ones they play during lunchtime. And lastly, our school is "parent transport" for athletics.....thus if he were to try out for the team and actually make it, I'd be responsible for transporting him to and from all games.....not to mention having to drive him back & forth for practice and all of that stuff. Between hubby's crazy work schedule and everything with the other kids, doing something like that would be a major stress factor for me -- and I know that 90% of the transport responsibility would fall on my shoulders (have I mentioned that some of the schools our teams play against are an hour drive from here? And did I also mention that I absolutely HATE driving on the highways and at night?). Yep, just thinking about it all raised my blood pressure just a tad bit. 

Of course aside from the things that I just mentioned, I also had concerns about who would be responsible for Taz during team practice sessions and how would he handle it all? I wondered what would happen if God forbid, he had a meltdown during an actual game? Sigh....there were so many things to consider! Of course the other part of me thought about how much this could build his self-esteem and help with his social skills, and perhaps improve his behavior as well. It could be a positive thing.....and also serve as a huge incentive for keeping Taz on track.....after all, in order to be a part of the team he would have to have good grades, make good choices at school, and maintain good behavior. Yep, this was definitely something hubby & I would have to discuss more and put a lot of thought into. We'd have to discuss it all with "the team" as well and get their thoughts on the topic.....sigh, more phone calls, emails, and meetings.....as if my "to do" list wasn't long enough.

Thus that has been our week.....and just when I thought I might be able to relax a little bit and attempt to enjoy the weekend, I came home yesterday after being gone the entire day with the kids....to discover we had no water! Oh great.....(yes I did say a few swear words)....I really did NOT need another issue to deal with! So much for a relaxing weekend right? Of course I know I have to try to find the positive in all of this.....thus because of mom's estate being settled this week, we had just enough to cover the repair bills for hubby's vehicle with just enough left over to cover this repair (turns out it's 2 different things).....so that's a good thing right? Sigh....thanks for the inheritance or whatever you want to call it.....I tried not to spend it all in one place mom! Yes it sucks that what little bit we did receive is now spent on repair crap.....but I am thankful for the timing of it all, because without it we really would have been "up a creek without a paddle".....so there, I found the bright side to all of this. I guess mom is still trying to help out even from the grave, and in her own way telling me that "this too shall pass". I guess this is her way of reminding me that I am strong enough to deal with whatever comes our way. Either that, or she's just messing with me and trying to prepare me for sainthood....I swear, one day there WILL be a dashboard bobble head saint named after me. Regardless of which it is, I will give thanks for the blessing and the lessons from this past week.