I've had a few folks contact me with questions through a group that I belong to, so I thought it was time for a little Q&A session. Thus far my plan for "Ask the Author" blog day hasn't received any response yet....not sure if anyone has sent a comment/question yet, but according to the recent notices there isn't anything in the "waiting response" folder or the spam folder. So, if you sent a question and haven't received a response....please re-send it. If you haven't asked a question yet, what are you waiting for???
Ok, on to the questions that I have been asked by other folks:
Q1. "Is your child on any medication?"
Answer: No, he is not. If you've read any of the previous blog entries, you'll know why. Just a brief explanation -- we've tried a variety of meds, and weren't satisfied with any of them. Either they made him act like a zombie, caused sleep & diet issues, made him too hyper, or like the last med he was on....caused other health issues that made us decide to put a stop to all medication. The last medication that he was on caused problems with his heart, thus we decided that we'd rather deal with whatever behavior issues occur vs. risk continuing medication and have him suffer permanent health issues (like some type of damage to his heart). The difference between him being on medication and being med free is like a night and day difference!
Q2. "Where have you found materials that you use?"
Answer: Not really sure what the person meant by that. I've read a lot of books, checked out a ton of information that is online, and spoken to many professionals over the years. If there is something specific that I'm looking for but can't find, then I make it myself....for example, the social story book that I made to help explain puberty to him. There is so much out there these days -- a lot more than what there was available when we first started this journey. The first thing I'd suggest is speaking to someone at your child's school and/or someone that works with your local ISD (Intermediate School District department/special needs department within your school district or county).
Q3. "Do you worry about the future?"
Answer: Oh hell yes....all of the time! I think any parent, regardless of if their child is special needs or a "typical" kid will worry about the future. No matter how old your child becomes, you always worry about them....that's your job as a parent. The more you prepare yourself and your child for the future, the better things will be and the less you'll have to worry about later on down the road.
Q4. "What type of preparations have you made for the future, especially for the time "once you are gone" (when you die)?"
Answer: Well as much as none of us want to think about our own mortality and death, as a parent we have to --- we need to make certain preparations. Not only to ease the burden for those left behind, but to also give yourself some peace of mind knowing that your child will be cared for once you're gone....cause let's face it, no one lives for ever. Some things you can do to prepare: make sure you have more than enough life insurance, have a will made out, & make arrangements with friends/family members....speak to those whom you wish to be "in charge" of your child, as a caretaker or guardian if you will, and make sure that they are 100% aware of your plans and in complete agreement. Put everything in writing and make it legal! If you don't have someone in mind or willing to take on the task, then start looking into adult group homes or some other location similar to that....you do not want your child to end up a ward of the state or in some mental institution!
Q5. "I'm so inspired by you....you really seem to have it all together and are like a 'super mom', how do you do it?"
Answer: Well thanks for the compliment, and I'm glad I can inspire someone. But to be honest, I don't have it "all together" -- far from it, trust me. I do my best....but like everyone else, I'm human and I make mistakes. There are so many other things I wish I could do, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. I have my moments when I'm strong, and other moments when I feel like I'm at my wits end and ready to just fall apart....I allow myself to have a good cry, be in a "funk" type of mood, and then I give myself a mental kick in the pants and say "ok, enough -- time to focus and keep going". As a parent we have to realize our own strengths and weaknesses, it's ok to be human....it's ok to make mistakes.....it's ok to feel frustrated and/or upset. It's how you deal with those things and emotions that really matters.
Q6. "If there was a cure for Autism, would you want your child to be cured and normal?"
Answer: To be honest.....no. As difficult as Autism is, I'm not sure if there really will ever be a cure....and even if there is one day, I honestly wouldn't want my child to be cured. Why you ask? Well, in my opinion that would mean that he isn't perfect just the way he is now.....and a "cure" would mean that he would change.....and perhaps not for the better. At the moment, he is a sweet & loving child, cares about others and is sensitive to their feelings, and he is 100% honest...sometimes brutally honest. If he were to change, what type of child would he be? Would he still be sweet and sensitive, or would he become an obnoxious person who lies, etc. like some teens I know? At the moment, I don't have to worry about a lot of the things that other parents of teens worry about.....I know my son will never do drugs, will never smoke or drink alcohol, will never deal with a teen pregnancy, and won't get into an auto accident because he was too busy texting his friends while driving. And although I support our military 100% and am very patriotic, the other thing I will never have to worry about.....my son will never get drafted or hounded by some military recruiter to "sign up and be all you can be". I won't have to worry about him being sent to some foreign land or fighting in a war that I don't support (even though I support our troops 100%). Now for my military friends -- don't get your panties in a wad, as I said, I support our military 100%....and if my other sons ever decide to "sign up", then I will support their choice to do so. But I'm being honest here when I say, that I'm glad Taz will never have to experience that. Because honestly, I doubt that he could handle it and/or fully comprehend what it would mean to have to pick up a weapon and defend himself & his country against the enemy.
Due to his Autism, he doesn't worry about some of the crap that other teens do....he doesn't feel the need to "fit in" and "go with the crowd", he doesn't care if he has the most expensive name brand tennis shoes or clothes from the high fashion stores. He doesn't have to deal with peer pressure nor all of the other bullshit that most teens deal with these days. Also, many parents will argue that if you say no, you wouldn't want your child to be cured of their Autism, then you're a liar.....or they try to compare it to some disease like cancer....well I say that isn't true. Autism isn't like Cancer....it's not something that they can die from. Yes, I want my son to have the most productive life possible -- to be happy, etc. -- and if that means having Autism all of his life, then so be it. Changing that....a "cure" if possible...would change WHO he is, and to be honest I love him just the way he is....and I'm not really sure if I'd want him to be anything but the wonderful young man that I've spent the last 10 years taking care of, teaching, protecting, and loving with all of my heart.
Q7. "If you could go back in time and do things differently, what would you do?"
Answer: Well, one thing that I can say for certain....I wouldn't shrug off some of the little things like I did back then....I wouldn't consider certain things to be less important. For example, learning to tie his shoes wasn't that big of a deal -- I figured, if he doesn't get it then oh well. There were some things that I decided weren't worth the battle -- looking back now, I realize that was a mistake. Another thing, I would have started preparing him for the future a whole lot sooner. I think at the time, I focused more on the "here and now" stuff, rather than looking ahead more at other things like the teen years, puberty, high school, etc. Thus if I could go back in time, that is one thing I'd change....perhaps if I would have focused on those things and looked ahead more, we wouldn't be dealing with some of the issues we are now. Of course when you're dealing with a 6 year old (or whatever the age at the time), you really don't think about puberty or the "what after high school?" type of things....you focus on getting them potty trained, etc.
Ok folks....that's all I've got for now. As I said before, feel free to ask questions if there is something you'd like to know about. The whole point of this blog was to: (1) share our Autism journey, (2) to give myself the chance to write everything down since the odds are slim that I'll ever get around to writing a book about our experience, and (3) to help others who are also on this journey.
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