Yes peeps, it's me....I actually have some "free time" to update the blog....gasp....yes I know, scary isn't it? Since Taz has been at the new school in the ASD program, I actually have more free time during the day. And to be honest, I really don't know what to do with myself! Ok, yes I have a lot to do....laundry, dishes, sweep the floors, etc -- but the fact of the matter is, unlike before I now actually have time during the day to do all of it!
This is all so strange and new.....I'm not really sure how I'm adjusting to it all. Taz's case worker came for a home visit today, and I discussed it all with her. Did I tell you about the case worker? Ok, short version: since Taz began seeing the psych doctor again, he qualified for a program thus now we have a case worker/respite person who comes to the house once a week to discuss things and all of the various services/programs that are available. She also visits Taz at school 1 day each week to work with him.
As I told her today, this is all so foreign to me....for years people have said "who's his case worker?" or "do you have a case worker?"....to which I'd always respond with "no, what's the purpose of that?"....for years we've been on our own. Now we have someone here -- someone who can provide info in regards to the "what comes next after high school?" and the millions of other questions I have....we have someone now who will provide support and help guide us through all of the things we will need to do and prepare for once Taz becomes an adult. We have someone who can help with coordinating appointments, therapy, IEP's, etc. For the first time since starting this journey....we aren't alone, we have a support network and someone to be there with an extra "safety net"......it's strange, and it has taken some getting used to. I'm so used to flying solo, it's been difficult adjusting to the fact that someone is actually THERE for US!
The other thing I mentioned to her today is the fact that it is so hard for me to adjust to the fact that Taz is actually doing well in school and my phone isn't ringing on a daily basis with some frantic staff member screaming "come pick him up!" -- for years that has been my life....like a fireman waiting for that alarm to go off, I sit on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring. For years I couldn't plan anything during the day -- not even a trip to the grocery store, because it never failed.....as soon as I'd get 1/2 way through the store with a cart partially full of items, my phone would ring and I'd have to run to pick Taz up for whatever reason. For the first time in years, he's in a program where the staff and teacher KNOW how to deal with issues when & if they arise (there have been very few), and if something happens they handle it -- they don't rush to send him home.....they don't call me in a panic expecting me to fix everything. Thus it is taking some time for me to get used to the fact that he's doing well and no one is calling me. It is taking some time to get used to the fact that I actually CAN do things during the day -- I can have some "me" time -- for lack of better wording, I can have a "life" again. She laughed and said "yes mom, you can relax now -- you don't have to do it all on your own." Of course I made her laugh when I said "please give me something to do -- call me -- I feel so lost!"
Needless to say, she is amazed that we made it this far without having a support network. She is amazed that Taz is doing so well and responds to directions, etc (he's actually doing all of his classwork without any issues, and most of the time he's the first one to finish things!) She actually made me blush today when she said that I do so much more than 99% of the other parents of her clients. I don't feel like some supermom though.....this is my job, this is what I have to do. She was surprised that, instead of acting all stuck up over her compliments instead I said "I just wish there were more hours in the day, because I know there is so much more I could do." It's true -- there are so many things I want to do, but over the years I just haven't had the time.....I have to try to balance myself between Taz and the other 3 kids. At that moment the realization hit me....if Taz continues to do well in this program, then I might actually have the time to do the things I want to do. Wow!
Needless to say, Taz has adjusted to the new program and school quite well.....he's more himself now.....seems more comfortable and definitely has a lot less anxiety. It's almost like he is back to being the little boy that he was when we decided to stop the meds....like someone flipped a switch, and he is himself again. I think it may take some more time for me to adjust to all of this though.....I've been "on call" for so long, I don't know what I'll do with my time during the day now.....I'm sure I'll think of something. Like perhaps actually spending some time writing the social stories that have been floating around in my head. Perhaps I'll finally finish putting all of the stuff in the kid's baby books.....or dust off my sewing machine and finish making the quilts that I started for them a few years ago. Of course a part of me knows that no matter what, I'll always feel like I'm still "on call" -- and will keep the phone close by just in case it rings.
No comments:
Post a Comment