The Funny Stuff

One of the things I've learned while on this crazy roller coaster ride called Autism.....you have GOT to have a sense of humor! If not, the stress and chaos of life can drive you completely insane. Of course you also have to develop a thick skin & learn which battles are worth fighting, and which ones you just have to walk away from....because there are some folks in this world who just have no common sense and will say some of the rudest and dumbest things ever -- but I'll save that rant for another blog post. Today's post is about having a sense of humor and all of the funny things that can occur while on the journey of Autism. 

As I said, this journey isn't all heartache and tears....there are many happy moments, and some that are downright hilarious. Many times, you just have to take a step back -- look at the situation -- and try not to wet your pants from laughing so hard. Of course it helps if you have a dry or what some may call a warped sense of humor. (sort of like a cross between George Carlin & Larry the Cable Guy) For example, the Vaseline crop circle story I shared in the post "Why Mommy Doesn't Take Naps".....if you haven't read that post yet, I suggest you do so. Yes I'll admit, at the time I did not see the humor in it -- but now I'm able to because every time I share that story -- the people I share it with end up laughing hysterically. Especially if I'm talking to them in person -- face to face, thus they are able to see my facial expressions and hand gestures as I share the story. Those who know me will testify to the fact that I am a very animated person when I talk -- lots of facial expressions, hand gestures, and the occasional Aussie accent (no I'm not from Australia). Of course in the Autism world, that may be considered "stim" behavior...but for the sake of argument, we'll just call it being animated ok?

Another example is when I spoke about our garden in a previous post & how son #2 flipped out over Taz eating raw veggies that may or may not have had a little bit of garden dirt on them. The verbal exchange between son #2 and I was rather hilarious....I was doing the whole "zip it" routine from the Austin Powers movie (for those who have seen the movie, I'm sure you know the part I'm talking about -- where Doctor Evil is trying to politely tell his son to shut up -- if you haven't seen the movie, you should watch it because it is totally hilarious!). Anyhow, that was another funny moment in our lives....and it appears as though son #2 has developed the same warped sense of humor that I have.....because over the years he's popped off with some great remarks, especially a lot of 1-liner type things that totally crack me up. Actually all of the kids have a great sense of humor....

The one thing that I admire most about Taz is his ability to be totally honest and sometimes even a bit blunt, because there are times that his remarks can be quite hilarious. I remember once when mom came to stay with us for a visit. I was trying to explain the whole concept of why we recycle to one of the younger kids....and I was also talking about how some items can be repurposed or "upcycled". As I was attempting to provide examples of items that were old but could be "upcycled" or recycled into something else, Taz looked at me and in a totally serious and matter-of-fact tone said "so can we recycle grandma?" Both mom & I burst out laughing! A few weeks ago one of the joke sites I visit often on Facebook had a picture/joke posted that was of a little kid taking to his mom, and it said "mom there's someone at the door collecting old stuff to recycle....can I give them grandma?" On that particular day I was really missing my mom and feeling a bit sad, but when I saw that picture/joke -- I couldn't help but burst out laughing because it reminded me of Taz's remarks. It's almost as if mom was using her angel skills to tap me on the shoulder and say "remember the happy times".

While our youngest was in pre-school, I decided it would be easier and help to save on the cost of fuel....if I just hung around the school and helped out rather than driving back & forth to home for those few short hours each day. While he was in his pre-school class, I worked as a "classroom mom" in my other son's class (plus a few other classrooms as needed). I would have the general eduction teachers in stitches on a daily basis with some of my one-liners and sarcasm. I'm pretty sure I suggested the use of shock collars and/or a cattle prod one day. I could not believe how many students acted like pure demon spawn....those poor Gen Ed teachers! One little cherub in particular, whom we'll call "Kyle" really pushed the teachers to the limit on some days, thus they would have me deal with him during my volunteer time. (To clarify - Kyle was not an AI student, he was a general eduction student & just a total brat!) Kyle would try to do everything possible to see if he could get me to break -- I'm pretty sure his former teacher "retired" (translation: had a nervous breakdown) because of him. One day he walked up and said "Mrs. S, you have big boobs!" The other students just gasped and the teacher looked as if she'd faint....I just smiled and said "Thanks Kyle, I got them at Walmart."

Another day sweet little Kyle was wiping snot all over the place instead of using a tissue like he was suppose to. I just smiled and said "Kyle, use a tissue please -- don't make me go out to the car and get my taser." When that didn't work, I told the teacher I'd be happy to load a squirt gun with some hand sanitizer and just squirt him with it at random. By mid-year precious little Kyle realized that he had met his match....he began to buckle down and focus on his work, his behavior improved, and he was actually using his manners! At the parent/teacher conference, his mom asked how on earth the teacher had gotten his behavior to improve -- she said "we've tried everything and nothing worked!" The teacher laughed and told her about me. Kyle's mom thanked me later that year....in some ways it was funny. The reason I find humor in that is because Kyle's mom claimed they had "tried everything" -- when in fact they just let Kyle run wild and do whatever he wanted to do (she basically admitted that). He was starved for attention and someone to show that they cared....and it was obvious that no one had bothered to teach him good manners, or about healthy eating -- seriously, this kid brought a Red Bull as his drink on one of the field trips! Kyle's mom tried to fool everyone but I could see right through her -- thus the reason I found humor in her comments. Don't claim that you're "doing everything" when in fact you deserve an award for being the world's worst parent!

The teachers all seemed to love to try to pass their most difficult students off to me -- to have me work with them during my volunteer time. One teacher asked why I never went into the education field, I laughed and said "my own kids drive me nuts on some days, do you honestly think I'd want to deal with the kids of 30 complete strangers all day long?! I'm pretty sure the district wouldn't approve of my teaching methods anyhow & they couldn't afford that much duct tape in their budget." Of course I was joking.....just more of my dry/warped sense of humor. I wasn't able to volunteer this year, and all of the teachers kept begging me to come back -- it seems like every time I did go to the school for something, there was a mob of staff members around me pleading for me to come back to help in their classrooms. Somehow I earned the nickname "The Terminator"....not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Another funny moment.....our youngest entered the all-day Kindergarten program this year, which meant that FINALLY mommy would have some "me time" during the day to relax and get things accomplished! Oh joy, I was really looking forward to that moment especially since all 4 kids would be in school the entire day. Over the years I've joked about what I would do on the day they all got on the bus -- somehow my comments went from "I'll relax" to something like "I'll be doing a naked happy dance in the yard" (which is another line from one of my favorite movies). Well on the first day of school, once the kids were all ready....we went out the door and stood anxiously at the end of the driveway waiting for the buses to arrive. Taz's bus was the last to arrive, and as he climbed onto the bus and moved towards his seat, the bus driver & bus aide both asked what I'd be doing now that all 4 kids  were in school full time. Before I could respond, Taz smiled and said loud & proud for everyone to hear: "she's going to start dancing naked!" Oh....my....Lord, I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide! Yet I couldn't help but giggle a little bit. The bus aide was trying not to laugh hysterically as she buckled Taz into his seat (she had already heard the "happy dance" story a million times before). But the bus driver seemed a bit confused (obviously he hadn't heard the story, thus he thought Taz was serious in his remark), so he just smiled at me and said "oh....well I hear they make good money at the place downtown.....good luck with that." (FYI the "place downtown" is a strip club!) As the bus pulled away I refrained from doing my "happy dance". I walked back towards the house, wondering how many people Taz would repeat that phrase to throughout the day. I also wondered how many people within the school district by the end of the day would think that I've begun an oh so promising career as a stripper/pole dancer! The mental note to myself that day: watch what I say around Taz.

Another recent funny happened this past school year. Taz's aide Miss "A" has been working with him since he was at LTC (except for the short time frame when the "powers that be" within the school district thought it would be best to switch the aides around). Thus when he entered Middle School, he had a new aide and I fought like crazy to get Miss "A" re-assigned to him. Now Miss "A" has been there through the good & bad, all of the ups and downs....she has shared the tears and laughter with us....she has basically watched Taz grow up. She understands Taz -- knows what most of the "triggers" are that will send him into full blown meltdown mode, and knows what types of things will help to calm him. Well when puberty started, Taz began to "cycle" back into some old behaviors.....some of which we haven't experienced in years....and things that used to work to help to calm him, no longer did. Having a different aide, someone who didn't "get" him and know him like Miss "A" did, didn't help things any.

One day I was called to the school because he was having a severe meltdown. Miss "A" was in the building working with another child, and heard what was going on -- so she walked into the office at the same time as I did, hoping she could help in some way. The other staff members had tried everything to calm him, but he just continued to escalate -- thus the reason they called me. As we opened the door to the Principal's office -- we were both shocked to see that Taz was in the corner screaming, kicking, etc and he had taken off all of his clothes! (that is a meltdown behavior that hasn't happened in years). Needless to say I was shocked, and part of me wanted to just turn around and run back to the car! I had a memory flash through my mind of the "naked phase" -- which by the way, is followed by the "poop Picasso" phase....(did I tell you about that? Oh well, if not I'll talk about that later)....needless to say I did NOT want to go through that whole experience again! Well Miss "A" walked over to him and said "hey Taz, I haven't seen you in a while -- what have you been up to?" Then she leaned down and whispered something into his ear. As if someone flipped a switch, Taz immediately calmed down and started to put his clothes back on. Afterwards I asked Miss "A" what she had whispered to him....I almost wet my pants from laughing when she told me (sorry I can't repeat it here, cause some folks might not find the humor in it). But suffice to say, that was the last time (thus far) that Taz has stripped naked during a meltdown!

Thus the moral to this post......you have to have a sense of humor! Otherwise, you might end up in a padded room somewhere singing show tunes to the walls and making macaroni pictures all day. Which in some ways wouldn't be all that bad I guess, especially if you like show tunes and/or macaroni. Seriously though....life is short, so take the time to laugh and find the humor in things.