Daddy

Since Father's Day is almost here (as of the moment that I'm writing this)....I think today's post will be dedicated to all of the great Dads that are out there! However, before I talk about the great dads....I need to rant just a little bit about the dads who aren't that great.

Yes I know there are some dads who totally suck (and to be fair, there are some moms who do as well) -- they can't handle everything that comes with the life of Autism -- thus they take the "easy way out" and choose to walk away. Now before anyone gets their panties all in a wad -- yes I know, dealing with Autism isn't easy -- trust me, I know that. However, as the saying goes "if you lay down to make a baby, then stand up and be a daddy!"

That is YOUR child -- regardless of what abilities said child may or may not have -- it is YOUR responsibility to love that child, raise that child, provide for that child, and protect that child....period! Would you give up on your "typical" child and walk away if they did something to upset you or disappoint you? No you wouldn't -- so man up -- accept your responsibilities and be a freakin' parent! As my dad always said, "if you aren't ready for the responsibility of being a parent -- then keep it in your pants & keep them zipped!"

As I've said before, dealing with Autism isn't easy -- some people can't handle it -- I understand that. It takes a strong person to deal with some of the things that can occur on a daily basis with Autism. However, in my oh so humble opinion....you do NOT just walk away and/or toss your child aside just because they aren't "perfect" in your eyes -- you do NOT give up on that child, no matter what. You helped to create that child, thus you are responsible for that child. And if you make the choice to do that -- to walk away & give up -- then you are a coward -- plain and simple. Some people may disagree with me on that, but oh well. It's like taking your marriage vows -- if you help to create a child, then you are in this for the long haul -- for better or worse, for the next 18+ years -- there is no guarantee that it will be all sunshine and roses -- so be a real man and have the balls to deal with whatever happens!

Ok enough about the bad dads -- this post was suppose to be for the great dads that are out there. I'm talking about the dads who are there for the good & the bad times, the tears and the joy, every step of the way.....loving their child & supporting that child 100%. Thus the remainder of this post is for all of the great dads -- you know who you are! And I would like to dedicate the rest of this post to three of the greatest dads ever.....

My dad:   My dad was truly an amazing man. He always....and I mean ALWAYS....put his family first. He would go without, just so his family never had to. He would work 16-18 hour days....do whatever he had to do....to always make sure that there was a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our back. Although he didn't always say those three little words (I love you) out loud that often.....we always knew how much he did love us and he showed it in so many ways. He was always there when I needed him -- he always supported me & stood by me, no matter how many times I screwed up, screamed "I hate you", or did stupid stuff to disappoint him. 

I was and always will be a "daddy's girl" -- very few men can compare to my dad.....many have tried, and many have failed. He was my rock....my protector....my "go to" guy for advice, wisdom, etc. -- and the one I always knew I could count on to have my back no matter what. I lost my dad to leukemia many years ago.....I was just thinking about it the other day, and it's hard to believe it's been almost 20 years now. Wow...where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday.....I remember the last time I saw him before he died. He hugged me tightly and said "I love you, don't ever forget that." My gut instincts should have told me right then & there that something was wrong.....after all, dad had just been to the doctor's office a few days before for some tests to determine why his "cold" had gotten worse and wouldn't go away.....and I could count on one hand the number of times dad had hugged me that tightly & said those words.....but I just gave him a big hug and said "I love you too, I'll see you on Sunday." Little did I realize when I said goodbye to him that day, that Sunday would never come....he died just a few short days later, ironically the day before I was to drive down to visit him....yep, he died on Saturday. 

Yes it still seems like only yesterday even though it's been almost 20 years. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him.....I wish he was still here to give me advice, help with repair issues around the house, etc. I wish he could have met my husband (I know he would have approved) and lived long enough to meet his wonderful grandsons.....I know he would have spoiled them rotten and would have been so supportive of Taz. And I know, he would have put a foot in the rear end of the "family" members who treat Taz like crap....no way would dad have allowed them to act like they have! From time to time, I think I catch a glimpse of him when I see that twinkle in the eyes of one of our children......they have their grandpa's sense of humor, his compassion, etc. Yes he was an amazing man.....my daddy......and I miss him so much!

Next: My Father-In-Law  - yes he was also an amazing man & a great dad from what I've been told. His parenting style was a bit different from what my dad did, but I've learned over the years that he was a lot like my own dad in many ways. He died before hubby & I met, so I never had the chance to meet him in person. But from what I've been told....I'm sure he & I would have gotten along just great. My father-in-law was a hard working man, and did his best to provide for his family. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve.....was a soft-spoken man, and didn't always express his emotions. He enjoyed working in his garden & was a huge baseball fan.

He was Polish, thus when we speak about him we often call him "Dzadzi" (pronounced "ja gee") which is the Polish word for "grandpa". I remember when Taz & our other son were little, they used to sit and just chatter away to "someone"....one day I asked who they were talking to. They had both looked at me with huge grins and said "Dzadzi". I had asked both of them to describe what Dzadzi looked like (at the time neither of them had seen a photo of him)....and they described him to an exact "T" -- how freaky is that?! Thus I have no doubt, that even though their Dzadzi and grandpa (my dad) both passed away before the boys were born, both men were somehow there watching over the little guys & giving them love....angel style.

I discovered while hubby & I were dating, that my father-in-law served in the military during WWII.....according to family members, "dad" hardly ever spoke about his time in the military. History is something that has always fascinated me, thus throughout our marriage....I've done all that I could to learn more about my FIL's military service & hopefully help to find some answers for my hubby & his sister. After my MIL passed away, I discovered some of dad's military papers among her things, and also discovered that due to a glitch -- although dad was awarded the Bronze Star, he never actually received it. Thus I was a woman on a mission.....I was determined to learn all that I could, and do what I could to have that medal awarded to the family.

Throughout the years, we've heard a few stories and have learned a lot -- like the fact that dad's first "battle" was storming the beach at Normandy....his job was to help take out the machine gun nests that were along the cliffs. He saved many lives that day. During his service, he saw many battles throughout Germany and France.....and was wounded during one of them, thus receiving the award of a Purple Heart medal. We also learned that at some point during the war, dad was taken prisoner & tortured by the Nazi soldiers -- not sure how he got away, but he bore the physical scars of that time for the remainder of his life. One of his last "battles" was assisting with liberating one of the concentration camps....it gives me chills to think of how many lives he saved on that day as well. I discovered over the course of my search, that not only was dad awarded 1 Purple Heart....but two of them, along with his Bronze Star and several other medals. We are so proud of him and thankful for his service.....yes my father-in-law was an amazing man and a great dad!

And last but definitely not least....the #1 "World's Greatest Dad" award goes to.....

My Husband:  Yes, my husband. He is a mixture of my dad & his. He is hard working, supportive, dedicated, compassionate, and an amazing husband & father. He is my rock -- my best friend -- my soul mate. He loves all of our boys and does everything he can to make sure they know it. He always puts his family first, often neglecting his own needs in the process. He will go to hell and back for our kids -- especially Taz.

The day Taz was born -- the look on my husband's face as the doctor held him up and said "here is your son"....well that moment is forever etched in my memory. It was like the scene from the movie "The Lion King" -- he held Taz in his arms, and you could see the pride and love wash over him like a tidal wave. The day of Taz's diagnosis -- hearing the words "your son has Autism" -- was like someone stuck a knife into my husband's heart. But he didn't walk away -- he didn't give up. He has been by my side every step of the way.....sharing the laughter and tears....sharing the good times and bad. He has fought the school district & ISD, battled with insurance companies, and stood his ground for our son (he does the same for all of our children). I have no doubt in my mind, that if he could take Taz's Autism -- and give this disorder to himself, thus allowing Taz the chance to have a "normal" life -- I have no doubt in my mind that hubby would do it in a heartbeat.

As I said, he will go to to hell and back for our kids -- he will move Heaven and Earth to provide for their needs & make sure they never have to feel one ounce of pain or sorrow. He shows just how much he loves them through his words and his actions. I have no doubt that he would give his own life to keep our kids safe & happy. During this journey of Autism, one thing Taz developed was a love of Nascar. Hubby pulled every string that he could -- called in every favor possible from his business associates -- and arranged for Taz to have a private 1-on-1 meet & greet with his idol and all-time favorite Nascar driver....Dale Jarrett. Somehow, the local newspaper found out about it (ok, I'll fess up -- I called them) -- and there was a photo and an article on the front page of the sports section about the whole thing as well. I wonder if Taz will ever fully understand & appreciate just how far his dad went & what he had to do, to make that moment happen?

Years ago, hubby used his contacts to obtain items needed for Taz to work at home. Hubby converted our den into a classroom -- complete with school desks, phonics charts, an ABC chart, etc. -- you name it, he obtained it. He helped with the picture cards and working with Taz to re-develop his verbal skills. When I was tired and just feeling burned out --- hubby took over, he somehow found the energy to keep me going.....and he helped me to "think outside the box" so many times....coming up with creative ways to help Taz learn. When Taz became a picky eater & developed his horrible gag reflex (which at times would result in projectile vomit episodes), hubby used his amazing chef skills to work with Taz to try to expand his food choices. The garden was hubby's idea as well.

Although hubby had never been camping in his life -- and honestly had no desire to ever go.....he put aside his own feelings, and agreed to give it a try after I shared with the kids my special childhood memories of going camping with my parents & they begged us to take them & give camping a try. We started out with baby steps at first -- renting a cabin for a weekend. Then moved up to renting a "rustic" cabin for a few days.....since then, hubby has purchased all of the camping gear needed -- sleeping bags, cookware, and even a tent! The kids loved going camping, and have been eagerly planning our next trip....and although hubby probably won't admit it, I think he enjoys it now just as much as they do. It's a fairly cheap vacation thing to do as a family -- and one way to build lots of wonderful memories.

So yes, my husband deserves the "Father of The Year" award! We have laughed together, cried together, shared our hopes and our fears....and have been able to vent and say the things that we would never say out loud or to anyone else. He is the best husband in the world -- my rock -- my best friend.....and my soul mate. He is an amazing father & would do anything in the world for our kids -- he always puts their needs ahead of his own, and like a father bear -- he will rip apart anyone that ever tries to hurt our kids. And that is just one of the many reasons why I love him. So with that, I'll end this post and wish everyone a very "Happy Father's Day"!