While chatting with a friend today, I couldn't help but laugh when she said "you look tired, you should take a nap when you get home." A nap?!? Seriously.....who has time for a nap? Aside from the lack of time during my normally hectic day.....bad things seem to happen whenever I try to take a nap.
A perfect example....remember the Vaseline crop circle I mentioned in a previous post? Well back in the days before Autism....the Vaseline crop circle was the result of a nap. I had recently given birth to son #2 (if I remember correctly he was only about a week or so old at the time this occurred), and "Taz" was in full toddler mode. The baby had been fussy & kept waking up throughout the night.....and I was exhausted by the time I finally got him to go back to sleep. Of course by that time, the alarm clock started to beep....time for hubby to wake up and get ready for work. Before either of us could hit the "snooze" button, Taz woke up and was full of energy. I tried to convince him that it wasn't time to wake up yet.....begged him to lay down and go back to sleep......even offered to let him sleep in the "biggie bed" with mommy. I'm not sure, but I think I might have even offered to buy him a pony or some shiny red sports car if he'd go back to sleep -- but that didn't work either. So I dragged myself from the bed and tried to prepare for the day ahead as hubby left for work.
Just a little background info.....when son #2 was born, the doctor had suggested putting Vaseline on the circumcision area to help with the healing process and also for pain (that way his little "boy part" was coated down and wouldn't hurt when he went pee pee in his diaper). Well being the thrifty mom that I was, I purchased the big industrial size jar of Vaseline. I won't even go into the strange looks, etc that I received when I purchased said jar and asked the clerk "is this the largest size you have?" Now I'm sure if I had purchased said jar at one of those huge outlet "buy in bulk" type stores, that wouldn't have happened.....but at a small pharmacy they apparently think you're some type of weirdo if you do that......oh well.....anyhow.....
Taz just loved to be a helper -- from the moment his little brother was born....he was always right there, eager to help. Whether it was handing me a diaper, or running to grab the container of wet wipes....or looking for the beloved "binkie" (a.k.a. the pacifier) that had somehow fallen out of his brother's mouth. Taz loved to help with diaper changes most of all and he was just fascinated with the Vaseline. He kept asking me - "what dat?" (in toddler talk) asking me what it was for. So during one diaper change I explained it to him. Ok -- fast forward to the sleep deprived morning. I fed Taz breakfast, threw in a load of laundry, did the dishes, fed the baby, changed the baby, put the baby in the swing, picked up all of the toys, fed the baby again, changed the baby again, etc. Before I knew it -- it was lunchtime. I fed Taz lunch, fed the baby, changed the baby's diaper and proceeded to rock him in hopes that he'd take a nap. At this point, I was completely exhausted! I put the baby in his little carrier seat thingy and said to Taz "hey sweetie, why don't you lay on the couch with mommy and take a nap?" Taz was tired....I could tell.....and thankfully he snuggled up next to me and went to sleep. Ahhhh peace and quiet.....perhaps I could grab a quick nap as well?
Well, I didn't realize just how tired I was because I did fall asleep......and woke up to a giant crop circle in the middle of the living room carpet and 2 children covered head to toe in Vaseline! Obviously Taz had woken up from the nap before I did....and he decided that his baby brother needed a diaper change. Apparently he had tipped the carrier over (thank heavens it wasn't that big or high off the floor!), and had somehow moved his baby brother out of it. Thus I awoke to see the baby laying on the floor next to his carrier thing -- his diaper had been taken off, and he was covered in Vaseline. Of course he was perfectly content -- he had his binkie in his mouth and was peeing straight up in the air while laying in a crop circle of Vaseline. Taz of course had decided to strip and go naked as well -- (apparently I missed the memo that it was "naked day") -- and he was covered head to toe in Vaseline. They were both literally covered head to toe in the stuff -- it was in their hair, etc......what he hadn't coated himself or his brother with, he had smeared into the carpet (thus the giant crop circle), all over the VCR and TV. The industrial size jar of Vaseline was completely empty! I'm sure you've all seen greased pigs at the county fair (or at least on TV).....well that's what my 2 children looked like, sitting in the middle of a Vaseline crop circle. Did I mention that we lived in an apartment and were renting at the time?!
Of course I flipped out -- first grabbing the baby to make sure he didn't have any Vaseline in his nose or mouth (amazingly he didn't). I then checked Taz.....and began to attempt to clean them up with a pile of wet wipes. I quickly realized that the only way to remove the slime from the Vaseline was to give them a bath. Ok for those who might not know it.....Vaseline is a petroleum type based product. It's slimy, it's greasy, and it does NOT wash off with just plain soap and water. I tried using baby shampoo in their hair, tried regular shampoo.....even dish soap and some laundry soap. The more I scrubbed and washed, the worse the greasy Vaseline was -- and it wouldn't wash out of their hair no matter what I tried. I took them both out of the tub and proceeded to call hubby at work. I was in tears and freaking out -- how in the world would I get this Vaseline washed off of them and out of their hair?! I was sobbing and so hysterical on the phone that all hubby could understand were the words "Vaseline", "baby", and "razor" (I was considering shaving their heads bald). He hung up the phone, quickly told his assistant manager that there was an emergency at home -- and left work.
When he walked in the door, there I sat holding two greasy soaking wet kids....just sobbing hysterically. He took the boys, gave them another bath and somehow miraculously got the Vaseline out of their hair & off of their bodies. Then after they were dried off and dressed, he looked at the crop circle and Vaseline mess. Hubby told me to relax -- he'd clean everything up. He went to the store, purchased a giant carpet cleaning machine and went to work cleaning the crop circle. How he managed to clean that greasy slime out of the carpet.....I will never know. But he did thanks to the assistance of "soggy" (a.k.a. the carpet cleaning machine). And that my dear friends is why we now own a carpet shampoo machine. By the way, for those considering having children.....I suggest the very first item you place on a baby registry is a carpet cleaning machine! Trust me, it will be the best investment of your life!
Fast forward to present day......a few other failed attempts at naps have shown me that the only way I'll ever nap is either: (1) once my children are fully grown and move out, or (2) if someone puts me into a coma, or (3) once I'm dead. Yep.....it's pretty much a given that I will remain sleep deprived until the day I die. Because I've discovered that it's just not a good idea for me to attempt to nap, even if the kids are napping.....my last attempt resulted in the kids waking up first (they were between the ages of 3 and 8 at the time), and finding my economy sized jars of finger paint. My 3 sweet little angels (we have 4 kids total, this happened before son #4 was born) painted themselves from head to toe and also painted the entire kitchen.....then proceeded to run laps around the inside of the house, chasing each other......leaving little rainbow colored footprints & handprints everywhere they went.....on the carpet, on the tile floor, all over the furniture, all over the kitchen appliances, etc -- thankfully it was washable paint....and I had "soggy" to help with cleaning up the mess.
Thus one of the many reasons why.....mommy no longer takes naps.....and also why I no longer buy industrial sized products. Hmmmm....and people wonder why I have gray hair and look so sleep deprived?
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