Yes it's true....family vacations can be difficult at times, especially when you have a child on the AI spectrum. However, if you approach things correctly, those vacations can also bring some milestone moments & wonderful memories as well.
For example.....our "plans" for this year were to take a few mini vacations (try tent camping), and then one big vacation. But due to a busy schedule, thus far we've only been able to take 1 "big" vacation. Since the kids enjoyed themselves so much last year when we went to visit family at the "northern cottage" -- hubby & I decided to try renting the cottage ourselves for a week. We discussed the plan in detail, contacted the owners of the cottage to make reservations, discussed our plans with the in-laws, worked our butts off & kept the budget tight so we could afford to save the money it would cost to rent the cottage, etc. -- and we were able to schedule our vacation/rental time for the week before the in-laws would take the cottage over, thus allowing us to have time by ourselves as a family and enjoy some time with the in-laws as well without crashing their vacation time.
The kids were beyond thrilled when we told them the news -- they were really looking forward to spending a week at the northern cottage & spending time with their cousins. Taz was especially excited, and began planning our trip & schedule when we told the kids (shortly after the new year started). As the dates approached, Taz became more excited and just HAD to pack his stuff.....yes he had his clothes, toys, favorite dvd's, etc packed at least two weeks ahead of time! Looking back on it now, I think if we decide to do the same thing next year.....we'll wait to share the news with the kids until closer to the actual trip date. The anxiety and planning for this year was a bit much for Taz. The constant questions of "what time will we leave?" and "what will we do when we get there?" drove me nuts for 2 months prior to the actual vacation. But as much planning as this trip took, and as stressful as it was to prepare for it.....it was worth every moment!
I spoke to my sister-in-law numerous times about the cottage and began to put together my list of items we'd need to take with us. Since the cottage was fully furnished, we didn't have to worry about taking things like bed linens, etc -- and only had to pack extra pillows, beach towels, bath towels, food, toiletries, clothing, & a few other items. With Taz's assistance, I made a few lists -- my "what to pack" list, "things to take care of before we leave" list, and my grocery shopping list. I made arrangements for a house/pet sitter, spoke to the house sitter about our mail delivery, and began planning the big trip. The kids all helped with packing things and checking items off the lists. Before we knew it, the day to leave came....and the kids were beyond excited! Hubby drove the first few hours and I drove the remainder of the way. Taz studied the map and directions, making note of every single rest stop, fast food place, gas station, & tourist "must see" place between here and there. It was a long LONG drive -- at one point my nerves became frazzled as I heard over and over "how much longer until we are there?" -- mental note to self......our kids do NOT get tired and fall asleep on long car trips.
After a few rest stops and many MANY miles, we finally arrived at the cottage in the north. The kids eagerly helped unpack the vehicle and haul everything into the cottage. Before I could take a moment to relax from the long drive, the questions began....."when can we go swimming?", "what time will our cousins come to visit?", "what's for dinner, I'm hungry!" -- I tried to remain calm and told the kids "ok, we just got here.....let's unpack and relax for a little while first ok?!" After we unpacked, we went to the nearby grocery store and picked up a few items that we had decided would be too difficult to keep cold in the cooler during the long drive......when we returned, we put away everything and got the kids ready for some swim time. We decided to just swim at the dock rather than walking down to the public beach a mile or so away. Everyone went swimming -- including hubby -- and we even had a water fight! The water was just the right temperature and felt so refreshing after the long drive.....everyone splashed around and laughed.......it was so fun & relaxing. After swim time, we began cooking dinner and planned our marshmallow roast & campfire for later that evening. The kids loved making smores and sitting around the campfire. They were completely worn out and asleep before 9 p.m. --- wow!
Our nephew brought over his paddle boat the next day along with a fishing pole. A few of the kids had gone on a paddle boat ride last year when we visited, but not everyone had.....and only son #2 had tried fishing before (he tried it when his class from school went on an overnight camping trip). All of them (aside from Taz) were eager to try out the paddle boat, and all were looking forward to having their cousin teach them how to fish. That of course was a special memory -- watching their older college-aged cousin stand on the dock and teach them each how to fish. In some ways it was also a bittersweet moment.....it reminded me of how much my parents had loved to fish, and how my mom always wanted to be able to teach the boys how to fish and perhaps take them fishing during one of our visits.....but she never got the chance due to her Alzheimer's and other health issues. As I watched our nephew teach the boys how to fish, I remembered my promise to mom -- "yes mom, I promise I'll teach the kids how to fish and take them fishing." As I sat there on the deck and watched the boys learn to fish, I couldn't help but smile.....I'm sure their grandma was watching from Heaven smiling as well.
Because of the area where we live, there aren't many lakes that are "good" for fishing -- and there aren't that many clean lakes for swimming (the public pools are too crowded), thus it's been difficult to teach the boys how to swim....especially when you only own a little blow-up style kids pool. I watched with pride as the kids swam around by the dock the first 2 days we were there, and how they splashed around at the local beach.....the 3 oldest boys becoming comfortable enough to try to swim without having to wear their life jackets. We had bought swim masks and a snorkel for them before our trip, and they each took turns using the snorkel and diving under water. By the end of the week, the 3 oldest boys were swimming like they had been doing it their entire lives --- the life jackets were only used when we took a boat ride. Even our youngest was doing a much better job of swimming, although he still felt more comfortable wearing his life jacket.
By day 2, they were all enjoying fishing so much that our nephew decided to bring over another fishing pole. Later that afternoon, we drove to a nearby town and stocked up on a few other supplies (mostly grocery items) and bought 2 fishing poles for the kids -- one was a simple casting rod and the other a cane pole (something that reminded me of special memories from my childhood). Each day of the trip they spent some time either fishing from the dock or the shoreline of the lake. We also took a few boat rides & tried fishing out in deeper water. Taz was hesitant to get into the boat, no matter how much hubby & I tried to convince him that it would be safe. Finally after hubby made a deal with him, he agreed to try a trip out in the row boat with just mommy. The deal was -- Taz goes for a ride in the boat, and in turn daddy would try fishing. Now for those who may not know, this was a HUGE deal -- hubby has never fished in his life. He had NO desire what-so-ever to try fishing, does NOT like worms or fish or anything that is "unpredictable".....but he was willing to "take one for the team" if it meant that Taz would try going on a boat ride. Taz did well on his first boat ride (only leaned over the side a little bit) and hubby actually caught 2 very tiny fish! Of course it was still mommy's job to run from kid to kid (and hubby) to bait the hooks, remove the fish from the hook after they had been caught, untangle the fishing line if the kids cast the pole the wrong way, etc. Son #2 caught a few fish, including a large bass. Taz caught a big perch on his first solo attempt (fishing from the dock), and the two youngest boys each caught a few small fish as well. Even I -- who had not fished since I was a kid -- caught several fish, including a very large bass! I was able to re-connect to some special moments from my childhood while on this trip, and felt such a peace every morning as I stood on the dock fishing. Many special memories were made that week.....and I know my mom would have been all smiles if she would have been there.
This was by far the most relaxing family vacation we've had in a long time. Taz felt very comfortable and "at home" at the cottage......he followed the rules very well and actually went to sleep before 9 p.m. on most nights and slept in on most mornings as well (which is totally unlike him)......on mornings when he did wake up early, he didn't try to leave the cottage or the safety of the deck. He usually just sat watching TV quietly or sat out on the deck playing his video game. He knew if the gate was closed & locked, then that meant "do not go off the deck" -- if the gate was open/unlocked, then either his dad or I were out on the dock or sitting in the tree swing and it was ok for him to join us. Most mornings, I woke up before everyone else.....and after enjoying my morning coffee while looking out at the lake and beautiful scenery, I'd wander out to the dock and fish for a little while. There were quite a few times when Taz would join me......it was a peaceful time and we bonded. I think somehow in his own way, Taz understood what a special vacation this was.
The kids enjoyed spending time fishing, swimming at the dock or the public beach nearby, roasting marshmallows & sitting around the camp fire, and going for rides in the boat. One afternoon when it was obvious that hubby needed a nap, I decided to "take one for the team" and take all of the boys for a boat ride. Since Taz still refused to go on the paddle boat, I took everyone out in the row boat. Boy what an adventure that was!!! It had been years since I had tried rowing a boat, and attempting to row a boat full of kids was even more of a challenge.....especially with a bad shoulder! Trying to get everyone to sit still & not lean over the side to look at the fish in the water was difficult. They all kept turning around to look at the other cottages and people enjoying the lake as we rowed past.....and at one point the wind picked up a little bit, thus trying to row against the current wasn't easy. Did I mention how HUGE the lake was? Yep, going on a row boat ride with 4 kids seemed like a good idea when we left the safety of our dock.....but once we were half way around the lake and trying to row against the currant in a boat that kept rocking from side to side due to moving kids, I began to doubt just how great of an idea this little boat ride was! Despite all of that, we made it back to the safety of our dock -- the kids had enjoyed themselves even though my shoulder was killing me, so I guess that is what matters the most. Our boat ride was a bit comical as well.....the youngest son decided he didn't want to sit next to Taz and tried to move next to me, then Taz traded places with son #2 & son #3, then on the ride back Taz wanted to attempt to stand up but quickly realized it wouldn't be a good idea. At one point son #2 screamed at him "sit down fat ass -- you're going to tip the boat over!" I tried not to laugh, even though it was kind of funny.....and instead tried to keep a straight face as I told son #2 "we don't use that word, remember?!" At one point when the wind picked up and it became really hard to row against the current, "someone" threatened to smack everyone upside the head with an oar if they didn't sit still and stop fighting. But we made it back to the dock safely, the oars were only used for rowing the boat, and overall the boat ride was fun. As we reached the dock, I couldn't help but think "I hope hubby enjoyed his nap, cause I need a drink now!"
We enjoyed spending time with the in-laws and nephews......the boys enjoyed several nights sitting by the campfire roasting marshmallows, playing with their cousins, perfecting their swimming skills, learning to fish.......and we even spent some time playing board games and putting together a few puzzles. Yes....it was a very relaxing vacation! We took lots of photos, made many wonderful memories, and the kids were able to experience many "firsts" during this vacation --- their first time fishing, going on boat rides, seeing swans up close for the first time, learning to skip rocks, seeing a HUGE snapping turtle (seriously, this thing was as big around as my laundry basket!), collecting sea shells along the beach, catching minnows, and seeing loons land on the lake. There were many different birds and other wildlife creatures that just aren't around in the area where we live....thus it was pretty cool to see the looks on the kid's faces each time they saw a new type of bird, fish, or other animal.
Aside from the many memories made and the wonderful relaxing time spent as a family, this vacation meant something else to me.......it gave me the chance to re-connect with myself and sort out some things that I had been struggling with. Like my feelings about the conflicts with my siblings, my mother's death, etc. Ever since mom passed, I had been struggling with my emotions and had allowed my anger to build regarding my siblings and they way they have acted for so many years. Even though I had cut them out of our lives -- I was still allowing them to hurt me with their actions & words, and as a result I was becoming bitter and angry......at them and at myself for allowing them to affect me in such a way. I had let go, yet somehow I was still holding on --- perhaps holding on to the hope that they would change, even though in my heart I knew they never would? I'm not sure.....all I do know is that I didn't like the person I was becoming, and I wanted this to be done -- I wanted closure and the ability to let them go and move on, focus on my own family. Remember how I described in one of my previous posts about how I had cut them out of our lives? Well, I was struggling with my emotions over that -- and had asked mom & dad to give me a sign to let me know that I had made the right decision. All week long the signs were there -- one after another, but it just didn't click until the day before we were suppose to leave to head home. The first night we were there, my husband had a very vivid dream -- something he doesn't normally do. As he described the dream to me, I knew instantly why my mom had appeared to him in the dream and what it was she was trying to say.
The signs were there --- I felt a connection almost instantly to the land and the area we were in.......it was the land of my native ancestors. I had a dream about those ancestors a few nights later, and several "truths" were revealed in that dream......but it wasn't until later in the week when I actually sat out on the deck sipping my morning coffee and thinking about it all that things started to make sense. The other signs......the way I felt drawn to fishing, even though many years ago I had sworn that I'd never touch a fishing pole or eat fish ever again in my life.....yet there at the cottage in the north, I felt a peace that I hadn't felt in ages. I felt a strong connection to my parents, and could understand what they were trying to tell me. Another sign....one night as hubby & I sat on the deck enjoying the quite of the lake (after the kids had gone to sleep) just sitting there chatting --- all of a sudden this huge Luna Moth flew up right into my face, then landed on my head and flew back in my face and just hovered there for a moment before flying off. Luna moths are very rare to see around here --- I hadn't seen one in years (there's a story behind the moth that I'll share later, but it has something to do with my mom). And another morning while sitting on the deck enjoying my morning coffee, a little humming bird did the same --- flew right up into my face and just hovered there in front of me for a few moments before flying off. That humming bird was so close it could have hit my eyeball with it's beak!
The night hubby's sister and her family came to visit, we talked about all of this -- while we sat there talking, a huge blue bird did a drive-by and buzzed the top of my head nearly flying right into me! We all laughed, but to be honest it freaked me out a bit! I began to connect the dots and realize all of the signs that I had been given by mom & dad throughout the week......as I sat and talked to my sister-in-law about it, I realized that mom & dad were trying to tell me that although it had been painful, I had made the right decision in regarding the choice to cut my siblings out of our lives.....it was time to let them go and let go of the pain, the heartache, the anger, the resentment, etc and focus instead on my own family and our happiness. My family --- hubby & the kids -- was all I needed, they were what mattered the most. As I looked towards the sky and said "ok mom & dad, I get it." a shooting star flashed across the night sky.....I looked at my sister-in-law and said "did you see that?!" She laughed and said "yeah, now stop asking them for signs before a whole planet drops on our heads!"
Anyhow....that is how our vacation went. We enjoyed our stay at the cottage to the north. We made a lot of special memories and took lots of photos. We bonded as a family and the kids enjoyed what I hope will be just the first of many "family vacations".......as we drove home I felt a peace.....it's hard to describe, but it's something I haven't felt in a long time.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Vacation - Part 1
I apologize for not writing blog posts more often, but it's been a crazy summer. I wanted to share our vacation experience with you all. As most parents with kids on the spectrum will admit, planning a family vacation can be difficult....and you always have to over-prepare and be ready to make adjustments at any given point in time (as needed). Because no matter how much you plan and prepare for things, something will almost always occur -- the slightest thing can throw a monkey wrench in the best of plans -- and then total chaos occurs. Thus in the past, our "vacations" usually consisted of taking a one or two day "vacation" to go visit family. Nothing fancy -- nothing that would be a sensory overload for Taz....just a quick and simple road trip.
When I was a child, our family vacations weren't trips to Disney or going on a cruise.....my parents were "working poor" or what some would call blue-collar workers, thus we couldn't afford fancy trips. Instead, my parents took us camping. At first it was just simple camping in a tent, then mom & dad bought a pop-up camper.....years later they found a nice used pull-behind style camper and right after I graduated from high school, they purchased a mini motor home. Some of my best childhood memories are of camping with my parents & siblings. The campgrounds that we went to weren't anything fancy.....usually near a lake with a basic playground and a few other "perks" like a public restroom with showers or a game room that consisted of a pool table and a few arcade style video games. Most of the campgrounds were fairly plain and rustic, not like the ones that exist today. We would spend time riding our bikes around the campground, playing at the playground, fishing, swimming, and enjoying time together as a family. We would sit at the picnic table and play cards or board games, roast marshmallows around the campfire, and eat "cowboy" style food.....hot dogs, burgers, fish that we had caught that day, etc.
For years I've wanted to share the whole "camping" experience with our kids......I wanted to create wonderful family vacation memories for them like the ones I have of my childhood. The only "problem" --- we had no idea how Taz would deal with camping. Last summer we finally decided to gather our courage and give it a try......we decided to start out simple by renting a cabin. We found a fairly nice family style campground almost two hours away from home that had an arcade room, a nice lake, a playground, and some rustic cabins available for rent. We agreed that starting out simple -- a three day cabin rental -- would be the best way to "test the waters" so to speak. Aside from a few minor issues, Taz did fairly well and all of the kids enjoyed the experience. I of course was a nervous wreck the entire time.....worrying that Taz would wake up in the middle of the night and try to leave the cabin, or run off somewhere during the day, etc. -- thus although we had a good time, it wasn't that relaxing for me.
Later in the summer, we decided to take a few days and go on a "road trip" to visit family in the north.....they were renting a cottage on a lake for a few weeks, and invited us to come and visit. The cottage was wonderful -- it was fully furnished with a fairly nice sized kitchen, microwave, coffee pot, 3 bedrooms, 1 and a half baths, and a living room that had cable TV! Taz did very well at the cottage.....he loved swimming at the dock (the water wasn't that deep near the dock), sitting out by the campfire, and of course watching all of his favorite shows on the TV. Yes I will admit, it wasn't really "camping" per say.....but it was a nice relaxing time and gave us the chance to visit with hubby's side of the family....and gave the kids the chance to spend time with their cousins whom we don't see that often due to them living 4+ hours away. Things went so well during our visit, that hubby & I decided we'd try another mini three-day vacation later in the summer.
We went to a different campground this time -- one that was almost 2 hours south of us, and had more "frills" than the other one we had tried. This campground had rustic cabins that were a bit nicer than the ones before.....a loft sleeping area, nicer beds, electricity inside the cabin, and a nice little covered porch that had a swing. The public restrooms & shower facilities were directly behind our cabin and there was a really nice playground right down the "road".....close enough that the kids could go over and play, while hubby and I sat on the porch swing and watched them.....thus basically the playground was on the other side of the cabin next door. There was a swimming beach on the other side of this huge campground -- we walked there once but decided it was easier to drive to. They also had a heated swimming pool, a really nice arcade room, and a mini golf course. Taz loved having the playground so close to our cabin, loved the pool and of course absolutely LOVED the mini golf! He did really well at this campground.....followed the rules for the cabin and swimming, didn't try to run off at all......thus I was able to sleep better and relax a lot more on this mini vacation.
As the summer came to an end, hubby and I decided that things had gone well enough on our mini vacations, we'd plan for something more for next (this) summer. We already had some camping gear that we've obtained over the years.....and bought new sleeping bags, a large tent, and some other gear during the clearance sales at the end of the summer in preparation for future camping trips.
When I was a child, our family vacations weren't trips to Disney or going on a cruise.....my parents were "working poor" or what some would call blue-collar workers, thus we couldn't afford fancy trips. Instead, my parents took us camping. At first it was just simple camping in a tent, then mom & dad bought a pop-up camper.....years later they found a nice used pull-behind style camper and right after I graduated from high school, they purchased a mini motor home. Some of my best childhood memories are of camping with my parents & siblings. The campgrounds that we went to weren't anything fancy.....usually near a lake with a basic playground and a few other "perks" like a public restroom with showers or a game room that consisted of a pool table and a few arcade style video games. Most of the campgrounds were fairly plain and rustic, not like the ones that exist today. We would spend time riding our bikes around the campground, playing at the playground, fishing, swimming, and enjoying time together as a family. We would sit at the picnic table and play cards or board games, roast marshmallows around the campfire, and eat "cowboy" style food.....hot dogs, burgers, fish that we had caught that day, etc.
For years I've wanted to share the whole "camping" experience with our kids......I wanted to create wonderful family vacation memories for them like the ones I have of my childhood. The only "problem" --- we had no idea how Taz would deal with camping. Last summer we finally decided to gather our courage and give it a try......we decided to start out simple by renting a cabin. We found a fairly nice family style campground almost two hours away from home that had an arcade room, a nice lake, a playground, and some rustic cabins available for rent. We agreed that starting out simple -- a three day cabin rental -- would be the best way to "test the waters" so to speak. Aside from a few minor issues, Taz did fairly well and all of the kids enjoyed the experience. I of course was a nervous wreck the entire time.....worrying that Taz would wake up in the middle of the night and try to leave the cabin, or run off somewhere during the day, etc. -- thus although we had a good time, it wasn't that relaxing for me.
Later in the summer, we decided to take a few days and go on a "road trip" to visit family in the north.....they were renting a cottage on a lake for a few weeks, and invited us to come and visit. The cottage was wonderful -- it was fully furnished with a fairly nice sized kitchen, microwave, coffee pot, 3 bedrooms, 1 and a half baths, and a living room that had cable TV! Taz did very well at the cottage.....he loved swimming at the dock (the water wasn't that deep near the dock), sitting out by the campfire, and of course watching all of his favorite shows on the TV. Yes I will admit, it wasn't really "camping" per say.....but it was a nice relaxing time and gave us the chance to visit with hubby's side of the family....and gave the kids the chance to spend time with their cousins whom we don't see that often due to them living 4+ hours away. Things went so well during our visit, that hubby & I decided we'd try another mini three-day vacation later in the summer.
We went to a different campground this time -- one that was almost 2 hours south of us, and had more "frills" than the other one we had tried. This campground had rustic cabins that were a bit nicer than the ones before.....a loft sleeping area, nicer beds, electricity inside the cabin, and a nice little covered porch that had a swing. The public restrooms & shower facilities were directly behind our cabin and there was a really nice playground right down the "road".....close enough that the kids could go over and play, while hubby and I sat on the porch swing and watched them.....thus basically the playground was on the other side of the cabin next door. There was a swimming beach on the other side of this huge campground -- we walked there once but decided it was easier to drive to. They also had a heated swimming pool, a really nice arcade room, and a mini golf course. Taz loved having the playground so close to our cabin, loved the pool and of course absolutely LOVED the mini golf! He did really well at this campground.....followed the rules for the cabin and swimming, didn't try to run off at all......thus I was able to sleep better and relax a lot more on this mini vacation.
As the summer came to an end, hubby and I decided that things had gone well enough on our mini vacations, we'd plan for something more for next (this) summer. We already had some camping gear that we've obtained over the years.....and bought new sleeping bags, a large tent, and some other gear during the clearance sales at the end of the summer in preparation for future camping trips.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Update
Hello blog followers! I know it's been a while.....we just returned from a much needed vacation! Had a wonderful time and I'm just trying to play 'catch up' now....will write more later.
Also on a side note....I noticed that I seem to have picked up more international readers.....hmm, not sure why? But I'll say this once again....this blog is about our life with AUTISM. Although I recently discussed issues we've dealt with regarding puberty, this blog is not for "freaky" people or perverts.....so please move along and do not return to this blog unless you are interested in reading about dealing with AUTISM. Have I said it enough?
Ok then.....move along all freaky people and perverts.....you are not welcome here. Thank you!
Also on a side note....I noticed that I seem to have picked up more international readers.....hmm, not sure why? But I'll say this once again....this blog is about our life with AUTISM. Although I recently discussed issues we've dealt with regarding puberty, this blog is not for "freaky" people or perverts.....so please move along and do not return to this blog unless you are interested in reading about dealing with AUTISM. Have I said it enough?
Ok then.....move along all freaky people and perverts.....you are not welcome here. Thank you!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Safety
The topic of safety has been floating around on the various Autism sites I visit frequently. People have been discussing safety at home, safety while out in public, wandering, etc.
It seems as though there have been far too many news reports lately about Autistic children who have "wandered off" -- it breaks my heart and sends a chill up my spine every time I read or hear of a new report. There have been ASD children in our area that I've helped to search for over the years. Sometimes the outcome has been a positive thing (child is found safe), other times not....it's heartbreaking.
Losing a child is every parent's nightmare, especially the parents of an ASD child. Typical children seem to be able to comprehend danger situations -- not always, but most of the time. They are usually able to tell someone their name, phone number, etc. Sadly, not all ASD children can do those things -- especially if they are non-verbal and/or do not grasp the concept of what is and what is not dangerous. Many ASD children act on impulse....they don't always "think", they just react.....and when they wander off or run off, they aren't always aware of their surroundings....and they may not comprehend what to do in order to keep themselves safe.
We've had more than one experience of Taz wandering/running off -- it was the most terrifying experience of my life! Thankfully Taz doesn't do that any more....once in a while he will try to sneak outside alone, but he has come to the understanding -- that is something he is not suppose to do. I still worry, and I haven't let my guard down at all -- because I know at any given moment he could try to wander off or run off -- that's part of Autism. As parents of ASD children, sometimes we have to go above and beyond -- almost bordering OCD in regards to being protective of our children. In my opinion, you can NEVER be too protective -- after all, it's better to be safe than sorry. It only takes a split second for something to happen -- thus I would rather be considered "over protective" and know that my child (all of my children) are safe vs let my guard down for just a moment and then regret it for the rest of my life.
Let's face it -- things aren't the way they were when we were kids. When I was a kid -- you didn't have to worry about locking your doors, it was ok to talk to a stranger (except for that creepy guy who worked at the rollerskating rink), we grew up knowing who the "safe" people were if you needed help (police officer, fire fighter, priest, teacher, etc.), and we didn't have to wait to eat our Halloween candy. We used to ride our bikes into town to go swimming at the lake (about an 8 mile ride) every day during the summer. And I can't even count the number of times mom & dad left us home alone!
Yet in today's society -- you can't do things like that. Halloween candy has to be "checked" and sometimes even x-rayed before it can be eaten, it's never safe to go anywhere alone as a kid (not even to a public restroom), we teach our children to NEVER talk to strangers, and if you're foolish enough to leave a young child home alone or in the car while you run in to pay for your gas -- there's a good chance you could end up in jail or have CPS knocking on your door! And just for the record -- NO, I do NOT leave my kids home alone nor have I ever left them in the car by themselves....even if it's just to run in and pay for gas or whatever, I ALWAYS take them with me.....and yes I've gotten some dirty looks for it and rude remarks, but oh well.
Anyhow, back to the topic of safety.....
We have double locks on every door in this house -- locks on the windows which also have child safety latches on them. We have an amazing guard dog who also doubles as a service dog for Taz. We have repeatedly gone over the "what if" emergency plans with the kids -- they know our phone number, where we live, and who the "safe" people are if they ever need help. They know what to do in the event of a fire, tornado, auto accident, etc. -- even Taz. I have repeated these things over and over to Taz -- I've made certain that he understands what to do if needed. I've made social stories about every possible situation, and have even done practice drills with him -- just like the tornado, fire, & lock down drills they do at school.
Whenever we go out in public, all of the kids know that it's not ok to speak to a stranger unless mommy or daddy tells them it is -- they know that they are to always stay by our side, hold our hand if needed when in a busy place. They know that it is never ok to accept anything from a stranger -- candy, etc. unless mom & dad say it's ok (and yes I check over every single piece of Halloween candy -- like some CSI person would study a clue at a crime scene). They do not go into a strange public restroom alone (the restrooms at school are ok).....and yes I've had more than my fair share of dirty looks when escorting 4 boys into the women's restroom, but hey I don't care -- I'd rather have them go in with me vs go into the men's restroom alone and risk being grabbed or worse by some child molester. They also have been taught that in an emergency situation, they are to look for a "safe" person -- one thing we've added to the list of who is safe -- another mommy.....a woman with young children.
They also know what the "security word" is -- for example, if someone comes to their school and says something like "your mom got into an accident, you need to come with me"....if the person can't tell them what the security word is, then they don't go with that person. We have a network of people available in the event of an emergency -- it isn't a huge network, but enough people whom the children all know & understand they can trust -- so "if" something ever happens, I know our children will be safe.
Now some folks would probably say that I'm over-protective, but I don't care. I'd rather be safe than sorry....in this day an age, you can never be too careful in my opinion. Finally the last bit of safety advice I could give to a parent....regardless of if they have an ASD child or not.....start teaching your children about safety as early as possible! Repeat things over and over, make social stories, give them different scenarios, invest in an I.D. necklace or bracelet for non-verbal children, invest in some extra locks for the doors (a security fence, etc), and last but not least....teach them who the "safe" people are.
It seems as though there have been far too many news reports lately about Autistic children who have "wandered off" -- it breaks my heart and sends a chill up my spine every time I read or hear of a new report. There have been ASD children in our area that I've helped to search for over the years. Sometimes the outcome has been a positive thing (child is found safe), other times not....it's heartbreaking.
Losing a child is every parent's nightmare, especially the parents of an ASD child. Typical children seem to be able to comprehend danger situations -- not always, but most of the time. They are usually able to tell someone their name, phone number, etc. Sadly, not all ASD children can do those things -- especially if they are non-verbal and/or do not grasp the concept of what is and what is not dangerous. Many ASD children act on impulse....they don't always "think", they just react.....and when they wander off or run off, they aren't always aware of their surroundings....and they may not comprehend what to do in order to keep themselves safe.
We've had more than one experience of Taz wandering/running off -- it was the most terrifying experience of my life! Thankfully Taz doesn't do that any more....once in a while he will try to sneak outside alone, but he has come to the understanding -- that is something he is not suppose to do. I still worry, and I haven't let my guard down at all -- because I know at any given moment he could try to wander off or run off -- that's part of Autism. As parents of ASD children, sometimes we have to go above and beyond -- almost bordering OCD in regards to being protective of our children. In my opinion, you can NEVER be too protective -- after all, it's better to be safe than sorry. It only takes a split second for something to happen -- thus I would rather be considered "over protective" and know that my child (all of my children) are safe vs let my guard down for just a moment and then regret it for the rest of my life.
Let's face it -- things aren't the way they were when we were kids. When I was a kid -- you didn't have to worry about locking your doors, it was ok to talk to a stranger (except for that creepy guy who worked at the rollerskating rink), we grew up knowing who the "safe" people were if you needed help (police officer, fire fighter, priest, teacher, etc.), and we didn't have to wait to eat our Halloween candy. We used to ride our bikes into town to go swimming at the lake (about an 8 mile ride) every day during the summer. And I can't even count the number of times mom & dad left us home alone!
Yet in today's society -- you can't do things like that. Halloween candy has to be "checked" and sometimes even x-rayed before it can be eaten, it's never safe to go anywhere alone as a kid (not even to a public restroom), we teach our children to NEVER talk to strangers, and if you're foolish enough to leave a young child home alone or in the car while you run in to pay for your gas -- there's a good chance you could end up in jail or have CPS knocking on your door! And just for the record -- NO, I do NOT leave my kids home alone nor have I ever left them in the car by themselves....even if it's just to run in and pay for gas or whatever, I ALWAYS take them with me.....and yes I've gotten some dirty looks for it and rude remarks, but oh well.
Anyhow, back to the topic of safety.....
We have double locks on every door in this house -- locks on the windows which also have child safety latches on them. We have an amazing guard dog who also doubles as a service dog for Taz. We have repeatedly gone over the "what if" emergency plans with the kids -- they know our phone number, where we live, and who the "safe" people are if they ever need help. They know what to do in the event of a fire, tornado, auto accident, etc. -- even Taz. I have repeated these things over and over to Taz -- I've made certain that he understands what to do if needed. I've made social stories about every possible situation, and have even done practice drills with him -- just like the tornado, fire, & lock down drills they do at school.
Whenever we go out in public, all of the kids know that it's not ok to speak to a stranger unless mommy or daddy tells them it is -- they know that they are to always stay by our side, hold our hand if needed when in a busy place. They know that it is never ok to accept anything from a stranger -- candy, etc. unless mom & dad say it's ok (and yes I check over every single piece of Halloween candy -- like some CSI person would study a clue at a crime scene). They do not go into a strange public restroom alone (the restrooms at school are ok).....and yes I've had more than my fair share of dirty looks when escorting 4 boys into the women's restroom, but hey I don't care -- I'd rather have them go in with me vs go into the men's restroom alone and risk being grabbed or worse by some child molester. They also have been taught that in an emergency situation, they are to look for a "safe" person -- one thing we've added to the list of who is safe -- another mommy.....a woman with young children.
They also know what the "security word" is -- for example, if someone comes to their school and says something like "your mom got into an accident, you need to come with me"....if the person can't tell them what the security word is, then they don't go with that person. We have a network of people available in the event of an emergency -- it isn't a huge network, but enough people whom the children all know & understand they can trust -- so "if" something ever happens, I know our children will be safe.
Now some folks would probably say that I'm over-protective, but I don't care. I'd rather be safe than sorry....in this day an age, you can never be too careful in my opinion. Finally the last bit of safety advice I could give to a parent....regardless of if they have an ASD child or not.....start teaching your children about safety as early as possible! Repeat things over and over, make social stories, give them different scenarios, invest in an I.D. necklace or bracelet for non-verbal children, invest in some extra locks for the doors (a security fence, etc), and last but not least....teach them who the "safe" people are.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
My Crazy Life
There are so many things I have to share....stories & experiences we've had while on this crazy roller coaster ride called Autism. But today's blog will consist of a few of the things that are what I call "my crazy life".
People often tell me that I should become a comedian, because apparently they find me to be quite humorous. It seems like I'm able to pop off with some witty one-liners quite a bit -- what can I say, it's a gift -- and with the way I tend to give visual descriptions of things, people often end up rolling on the floor with laughter as I describe a crazy moment in our life and/or share one of the "guess what happened today" stories. At times I can be sarcastic, and even a bit "bitchy"....yes I know, it's hard to believe. I've even been known to cuss like a drunk sailor at times (no offense meant towards any drunk sailors). Yes I know, that's totally shocking....I seem like such a sweet quiet gal (just kidding). Well, June Cleaver I am not....far from it!
Several of the folks I've shared our story with have a difficult time believing that these things really happen....of course for anyone who's lived with Autism, you know that...YES, this type of stuff can and will happen. There are days when you wonder how on Earth you've managed to maintain your sanity by the end of the day. For example, your child shoves a gummy bear up their nose and you have to take a trip to the ER to have it removed.....only to return an hour later because this time they have shoved a piece deep within their ear. (yes those events happened a few years ago, thus the reason why gummy bears are now banned in our house). Of course this all happens just a few days AFTER you've had to take another kid to the ER because they shoved a popcorn kernel up their nose.
Our life can be crazy at times....it's like a cross between some TV comedy show and a Blue Collar Comedy routine (FYI: I so totally love those guys, they crack me up!) Thus you develop a warped sense of humor and have to find a way to laugh through the tears on some days, otherwise you will end up in a padded room making macaroni pictures every Sunday. Hmmm, that reminds me, we're almost out of macaroni. Ok, where was I again? Oh yes now I remember....
Today for example: it is hot.....I'm talking melt the glaciers kind of hot! Our poor state hasn't had a decent rain shower in almost a month. The crops are all dying in the farmer's fields, the grass has turned a lovely shade of brown, etc. This is the type of weather where all you want to do is just lay in front of a fan and veg out for the entire day. Those who know me, know that I live on coffee and very little sleep.....and it is so hot outside, I decided to skip the coffee today (gasp!) -- yes it was too hot to make coffee this morning.
Well the kids woke up way too early and have done everything within their power to try to drive me insane. I'm pretty sure they have figured out that mommy has not had a drop of her morning java. Thus they have decided to take full advantage of the situation. My morning has consisted of:
"Don't jump on that, you will fall and get hurt"
"Don't put that in your mouth, that's gross"
"Don't hit your brother"
"Didn't I just say that you shouldn't jump on that?"
And the list goes on and on.....in a moment of desperation and probably due to the lack of caffeine coursing through my veins, I believe I promised them some Popsicles and a pony later if they would just sit down and/or play quietly. I could tell already that this was going to be a very long day! My oh so sweet husband was scheduled to work today, and I swear he was ready to practically sprint out the door! No it's not because he loves his job that much -- I'm guessing he knew something that I didn't. Perhaps it was the full moon last night -- but I have the feeling that today is going to be one of those "crazy" days. While I pondered this, Taz decided to ask if he could take a bath. I thought to myself -- sure why not? -- and told him yes.
Now we've been dealing with puberty....not sure if I mentioned that before or not, but yes Taz has begun the joys of puberty. If anyone tells you that dealing with an Autistic child during puberty is a piece of cake -- do NOT believe them -- they are a complete and total liar! This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. Anyhow....back to Taz and the bath.
Due to the puberty and his growing curiosity, at times it's important to check on him while he's in the bathroom -- because he could be doing, well ummm you know, and sometimes he's in there for quite a while. So I walk into the bathroom to see what is taking so long with this bath (yes I knocked on the door first), fully expecting him to be "visiting the wiener fairy".....instead he is sitting there naked in the full bathtub wearing his swim goggles and snorkel! Seriously?!
This is how the conversation went:
Me: "What are you doing?"
Him: "Taking a bath"
Me: "what's with the swim goggles?"
Him: "I didn't want water to get into my eyes"
OK....I'll believe that....it sounds like a legit reason right? Next....
Me: "Ok so what's up with the snorkel?"
Him: "It's so I can breathe while I'm under water"
Me: "Umm ok, so why do you need to be under water?"
Him: "So I can look at my wiener"
Ok....now the truth comes out. Sigh....
Me: "Well it's not time for that, so finish washing and get out of the tub."
Him: "ok"
Me: "And remember, we don't call it a wiener...you have to use the correct term and say penis."
Him: "ok"
I just walked out of the bathroom shaking my head. Ok, I know kids are curious about their body parts, and as I've been told they begin to "explore" and touch themselves more when they hit puberty....but seriously, do you need a pair of swim goggles and a snorkel when you're in the bathtub doing that?!?! It must be a guy thing....I don't know. I mentioned to hubby what was taking place and he just laughed. I very sweetly reminded him that all of the "guy stuff" was his department to explain. I'll deal with the social stories, meltdowns, school, etc. -- he can deal with this stuff! He gave me a kiss, said "it will be ok", and headed out the door to go to work.....oh great, so now what do I do?!
As I pondered what my next social story would be (to help with discussing this topic), I glanced longingly at the empty coffee pot....oh it's going to be a long day.....I really should have made a pot of coffee this morning. Damn that full moon last night! It's way too hot to make coffee now, however I'm going to need something to keep me going and help me to get through this crazy day. I wonder, is it too early to start thinking about making some margaritas? Sad thing is, I'm really not a drinker....I'm more of a once in a great while "one can/glass commando" type of drinkers....yet somehow, at this exact moment a few margaritas sound really good.
Yes, this is my crazy life....
People often tell me that I should become a comedian, because apparently they find me to be quite humorous. It seems like I'm able to pop off with some witty one-liners quite a bit -- what can I say, it's a gift -- and with the way I tend to give visual descriptions of things, people often end up rolling on the floor with laughter as I describe a crazy moment in our life and/or share one of the "guess what happened today" stories. At times I can be sarcastic, and even a bit "bitchy"....yes I know, it's hard to believe. I've even been known to cuss like a drunk sailor at times (no offense meant towards any drunk sailors). Yes I know, that's totally shocking....I seem like such a sweet quiet gal (just kidding). Well, June Cleaver I am not....far from it!
Several of the folks I've shared our story with have a difficult time believing that these things really happen....of course for anyone who's lived with Autism, you know that...YES, this type of stuff can and will happen. There are days when you wonder how on Earth you've managed to maintain your sanity by the end of the day. For example, your child shoves a gummy bear up their nose and you have to take a trip to the ER to have it removed.....only to return an hour later because this time they have shoved a piece deep within their ear. (yes those events happened a few years ago, thus the reason why gummy bears are now banned in our house). Of course this all happens just a few days AFTER you've had to take another kid to the ER because they shoved a popcorn kernel up their nose.
Our life can be crazy at times....it's like a cross between some TV comedy show and a Blue Collar Comedy routine (FYI: I so totally love those guys, they crack me up!) Thus you develop a warped sense of humor and have to find a way to laugh through the tears on some days, otherwise you will end up in a padded room making macaroni pictures every Sunday. Hmmm, that reminds me, we're almost out of macaroni. Ok, where was I again? Oh yes now I remember....
Today for example: it is hot.....I'm talking melt the glaciers kind of hot! Our poor state hasn't had a decent rain shower in almost a month. The crops are all dying in the farmer's fields, the grass has turned a lovely shade of brown, etc. This is the type of weather where all you want to do is just lay in front of a fan and veg out for the entire day. Those who know me, know that I live on coffee and very little sleep.....and it is so hot outside, I decided to skip the coffee today (gasp!) -- yes it was too hot to make coffee this morning.
Well the kids woke up way too early and have done everything within their power to try to drive me insane. I'm pretty sure they have figured out that mommy has not had a drop of her morning java. Thus they have decided to take full advantage of the situation. My morning has consisted of:
"Don't jump on that, you will fall and get hurt"
"Don't put that in your mouth, that's gross"
"Don't hit your brother"
"Didn't I just say that you shouldn't jump on that?"
And the list goes on and on.....in a moment of desperation and probably due to the lack of caffeine coursing through my veins, I believe I promised them some Popsicles and a pony later if they would just sit down and/or play quietly. I could tell already that this was going to be a very long day! My oh so sweet husband was scheduled to work today, and I swear he was ready to practically sprint out the door! No it's not because he loves his job that much -- I'm guessing he knew something that I didn't. Perhaps it was the full moon last night -- but I have the feeling that today is going to be one of those "crazy" days. While I pondered this, Taz decided to ask if he could take a bath. I thought to myself -- sure why not? -- and told him yes.
Now we've been dealing with puberty....not sure if I mentioned that before or not, but yes Taz has begun the joys of puberty. If anyone tells you that dealing with an Autistic child during puberty is a piece of cake -- do NOT believe them -- they are a complete and total liar! This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. Anyhow....back to Taz and the bath.
Due to the puberty and his growing curiosity, at times it's important to check on him while he's in the bathroom -- because he could be doing, well ummm you know, and sometimes he's in there for quite a while. So I walk into the bathroom to see what is taking so long with this bath (yes I knocked on the door first), fully expecting him to be "visiting the wiener fairy".....instead he is sitting there naked in the full bathtub wearing his swim goggles and snorkel! Seriously?!
This is how the conversation went:
Me: "What are you doing?"
Him: "Taking a bath"
Me: "what's with the swim goggles?"
Him: "I didn't want water to get into my eyes"
OK....I'll believe that....it sounds like a legit reason right? Next....
Me: "Ok so what's up with the snorkel?"
Him: "It's so I can breathe while I'm under water"
Me: "Umm ok, so why do you need to be under water?"
Him: "So I can look at my wiener"
Ok....now the truth comes out. Sigh....
Me: "Well it's not time for that, so finish washing and get out of the tub."
Him: "ok"
Me: "And remember, we don't call it a wiener...you have to use the correct term and say penis."
Him: "ok"
I just walked out of the bathroom shaking my head. Ok, I know kids are curious about their body parts, and as I've been told they begin to "explore" and touch themselves more when they hit puberty....but seriously, do you need a pair of swim goggles and a snorkel when you're in the bathtub doing that?!?! It must be a guy thing....I don't know. I mentioned to hubby what was taking place and he just laughed. I very sweetly reminded him that all of the "guy stuff" was his department to explain. I'll deal with the social stories, meltdowns, school, etc. -- he can deal with this stuff! He gave me a kiss, said "it will be ok", and headed out the door to go to work.....oh great, so now what do I do?!
As I pondered what my next social story would be (to help with discussing this topic), I glanced longingly at the empty coffee pot....oh it's going to be a long day.....I really should have made a pot of coffee this morning. Damn that full moon last night! It's way too hot to make coffee now, however I'm going to need something to keep me going and help me to get through this crazy day. I wonder, is it too early to start thinking about making some margaritas? Sad thing is, I'm really not a drinker....I'm more of a once in a great while "one can/glass commando" type of drinkers....yet somehow, at this exact moment a few margaritas sound really good.
Yes, this is my crazy life....
Monday, July 2, 2012
Blogging
Ok it's confession time....I seriously thought that I was beginning to get the hang of this whole blogging thing. But I must admit, I'm still technically "blog challenged".....I've read the tutorial stuff but still can't figure out how to add links to the blogs that I'm attempting to follow, how to add photos, how to add other links, etc. & I'm having difficulty getting my stats to show....I have no idea why?!
I need one of those "blogging 101" books....seriously. I feel like a complete moron....I am so computer techie challenged....it's sad. There are so many things I'd like to do with this blog, and in my oh so humble opinion it's rather "plain" compared to other blogs I've read....it feels like I'm a bit boring.
My other frustration, for some reason the stupid spell check hasn't seemed to work the past few blog posts, thus I have no clue if I've spelled things incorrectly or not. Sigh....ok, confession over.....pity party over....time to look over the tutorial stuff more and figure a few things out.
UPDATE:
It's "happy dance" time....I figured something out thanks to my new friend Mac.....how to add the links to the blogs I've been reading! Yippee!! Here's a little info on the blogs:
Autism Daddy: a dad who tells it like it is....he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, and he helps me to remember that we're not alone on this journey -- there are so many parents out there going through the same things. I've found other Autism groups on Facebook & other blogs thanks to the links he's posted.
Insane in the Mom-Brain: What can I say, she maks me laugh! Her sense of humor is just so "out there".....whenever I'm in a funk or having a rough day, I know I can go to her page and find something that will make me laugh.
Homestyle Mama: My new friend...thus far her blog has made me laugh, made me cry, and helped me also to know that I'm not alone on this crazy rollercoaster ride we call "Autism". I can tell from what I've read thus far, she & I are going to become great friends! BTW, she is a real sweetie too -- the info she shared today has helped me to be a little less "blog-challenged"!
Extreme Parenthood: Another new friend....have read a few of her blog posts, and was able to connect to her through a mutual friend. Looking forward to getting to know her as well....seems like we have a lot in common!
I need one of those "blogging 101" books....seriously. I feel like a complete moron....I am so computer techie challenged....it's sad. There are so many things I'd like to do with this blog, and in my oh so humble opinion it's rather "plain" compared to other blogs I've read....it feels like I'm a bit boring.
My other frustration, for some reason the stupid spell check hasn't seemed to work the past few blog posts, thus I have no clue if I've spelled things incorrectly or not. Sigh....ok, confession over.....pity party over....time to look over the tutorial stuff more and figure a few things out.
UPDATE:
It's "happy dance" time....I figured something out thanks to my new friend Mac.....how to add the links to the blogs I've been reading! Yippee!! Here's a little info on the blogs:
Autism Daddy: a dad who tells it like it is....he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, and he helps me to remember that we're not alone on this journey -- there are so many parents out there going through the same things. I've found other Autism groups on Facebook & other blogs thanks to the links he's posted.
Insane in the Mom-Brain: What can I say, she maks me laugh! Her sense of humor is just so "out there".....whenever I'm in a funk or having a rough day, I know I can go to her page and find something that will make me laugh.
Homestyle Mama: My new friend...thus far her blog has made me laugh, made me cry, and helped me also to know that I'm not alone on this crazy rollercoaster ride we call "Autism". I can tell from what I've read thus far, she & I are going to become great friends! BTW, she is a real sweetie too -- the info she shared today has helped me to be a little less "blog-challenged"!
Extreme Parenthood: Another new friend....have read a few of her blog posts, and was able to connect to her through a mutual friend. Looking forward to getting to know her as well....seems like we have a lot in common!
Siblings
I've mentioned before in the post titled "He's Not A Brat, He's My Brother"...how our other children have dealt with having a big brother on the Autism spectrum. I've mentioned several times how proud I am of them, how they seem to understand and accept that this is our life.....how compassionate they have been, how helpful they have been, etc.
Well I'm not sure what happened, but it seems like over the past year their feelings have changed & their behaviors have changed. It seems like on some days they will purposely go out of their way to antagonize their brother and trigger a meltdown just for the heck of it. It seems like they resent him more, like they are suddenly embarrassed of him, etc. -- they have become less supportive, less understanding, and less accepting. After careful observation, I've determined that son #2 appears to be the "ring leader" in all of this -- and the 2 younger boys just follow along and copy him.
After a very difficult day.....I sat down and had a long talk with son #2 about this. I must say, his response surprised me just a tad bit. I know having a sibling with Autism isn't easy -- I get that. Yet it seems as though their behaviors and feelings have changed so much, especially over the past few months -- and in some ways, I just don't understand why. I know kids are kids -- and as they grow they are trying to discover who they are -- they constantly change -- I get that. Just like at school, one day someone is your friend and then the next day they aren't for whatever reason.....and one day something can be "cool" or popular (like a certain TV show, clothing style, etc.) and then the next day it's not. Thus in some ways I understand -- I get it -- yet at the same time, I don't.....thus the reason I thought it was time to sit down with son #2 and have a long heart to heart talk.
We talked about how he and his younger brothers have always been accepting & understanding of Taz, and how lately their behaviors and feelings seem to have changed. Son #2 expressed his feelings....his frustration....his jealousy.....his resentment. He spoke about how at times he feels conflicted -- he loves his big brother, yet at times he hates the Autism. I get that -- I totally understand how he feels. He told me that when he begins to feel that way, he becomes upset with himself and ashamed....and yet angry at the same time....that's ok, I understand -- I get it. He spoke about how at times we've all had to sacrifice something -- and at times he feels resentful because of it. Like the one example he gave.....there have been a few missed events over the years due to Taz's Autism.....missed field trips, etc. I pointed out the fact that although there have been some missed events -- there have been many more that weren't missed. And if there was something missed, his dad & I have gone above and beyond to try to make up for it.
He spoke about how his friends have birthday parties, sleep over’s, etc. -- and yet none of them want to come to our house for a play date or sleep over because of Taz -- ok, I understand that and I'm sorry that his friends feel that way.....I can't change the way his friends think or behave. He spoke about how during this past year at Middle School, he often felt embarrassed and ashamed -- how he didn't want to acknowledge Taz was his brother. I get that -- I understand -- living with Autism isn't easy. He looked at me and said "mom, I wish that just for one day Taz could be normal" -- then we both began to cry. I totally understand how he can feel that way at times, I "get it" regarding his frustration, etc. I guess I haven't been doing as great of a job at letting him & his younger brothers know that it's ok to feel frustrated, etc at times -- I guess I need to work on that more and help them to understand that although it's perfectly normal to have those thoughts and feelings at times, they have to find a better way of dealing with it.
After a long heart to heart discussion, I understood his side of things -- and he understood mine more. He agreed to talk about things more and not take his frustration, etc out on his brother and/or purposely try to antagonize him and trigger a meltdown. He also agreed to set a better example for his younger brothers to follow. In turn, I agreed to try to make more one on one time for him and his younger siblings -- to provide praise more often, and continue to do the things that I have done to help Taz learn the proper social skills, etc so we can be able to do more "normal" things -- like go out to eat at a restaurant, go to a movie once in a while, take more family vacations and "fun" days, etc. Living with Autism isn't easy.....and as a parent, you have to balance your time -- it can be a challenge when one child requires more attention than the others.
As parents we need to remember that our other children feel similar frustrations, etc from time to time....yet because they are kids, they don't always know how to express those feelings or learn how to cope with things in the correct manner. We need to make sure that we let them know it's ok to feel frustration, embarassment, etc. -- however, it is important to discuss things -- communication is the key. And we need to help them to understand that they can't take their frustration out on their brother -- he didn't ask to be this way. For better or worse, this is our life -- dealing with Autism isn't always easy, but we have to find a way to deal with it the best that we can. Sometimes as grown ups, we forget to look at this journey through the eyes of our other children and try to understand it from their view. After the discussion with son #2, he felt better -- yet for some reason, I felt like a failure as a parent. Why does it seem like no matter what we do, it's never enough? There just aren't enough hours in the day, and no matter how many steps forward we take -- it seems like there are a few steps backwards as well. Sigh....welcome to the world of Autism.
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