Vacation - Part 2

Yes it's true....family vacations can be difficult at times, especially when you have a child on the AI spectrum. However, if you approach things correctly, those vacations can also bring some milestone moments & wonderful memories as well.

For example.....our "plans" for this year were to take a few mini vacations (try tent camping), and then one big vacation. But due to a busy schedule, thus far we've only been able to take 1 "big" vacation. Since the kids enjoyed themselves so much last year when we went to visit family at the "northern cottage" -- hubby & I decided to try renting the cottage ourselves for a week. We discussed the plan in detail, contacted the owners of the cottage to make reservations, discussed our plans with the in-laws, worked our butts off & kept the budget tight so we could afford to save the money it would cost to rent the cottage, etc. -- and we were able to schedule our vacation/rental time for the week before the in-laws would take the cottage over, thus allowing us to have time by ourselves as a family and enjoy some time with the in-laws as well without crashing their vacation time.

The kids were beyond thrilled when we told them the news -- they were really looking forward to spending a week at the northern cottage & spending time with their cousins. Taz was especially excited, and began planning our trip & schedule when we told the kids (shortly after the new year started). As the dates approached, Taz became more excited and just HAD to pack his stuff.....yes he had his clothes, toys, favorite dvd's, etc packed at least two weeks ahead of time! Looking back on it now, I think if we decide to do the same thing next year.....we'll wait to share the news with the kids until closer to the actual trip date. The anxiety and planning for this year was a bit much for Taz. The constant questions of "what time will we leave?" and "what will we do when we get there?" drove me nuts for 2 months prior to the actual vacation. But as much planning as this trip took, and as stressful as it was to prepare for it.....it was worth every moment!

I spoke to my sister-in-law numerous times about the cottage and began to put together my list of items we'd need to take with us. Since the cottage was fully furnished, we didn't have to worry about taking things like bed linens, etc -- and only had to pack extra pillows, beach towels, bath towels, food, toiletries, clothing, & a few other items. With Taz's assistance, I made a few lists -- my "what to pack" list, "things to take care of before we leave" list, and my grocery shopping list. I made arrangements for a house/pet sitter, spoke to the house sitter about our mail delivery, and began planning the big trip. The kids all helped with packing things and checking items off the lists. Before we knew it, the day to leave came....and the kids were beyond excited! Hubby drove the first few hours and I drove the remainder of the way. Taz studied the map and directions, making note of every single rest stop, fast food place, gas station, & tourist "must see" place between here and there. It was a long LONG drive -- at one point my nerves became frazzled as I heard over and over "how much longer until we are there?" -- mental note to self......our kids do NOT get tired and fall asleep on long car trips.

After a few rest stops and many MANY miles, we finally arrived at the cottage in the north. The kids eagerly helped unpack the vehicle and haul everything into the cottage. Before I could take a moment to relax from the long drive, the questions began....."when can we go swimming?", "what time will our cousins come to visit?", "what's for dinner, I'm hungry!" -- I tried to remain calm and told the kids "ok, we just got here.....let's unpack and relax for a little while first ok?!" After we unpacked, we went to the nearby grocery store and picked up a few items that we had decided would be too difficult to keep cold in the cooler during the long drive......when we returned, we put away everything and got the kids ready for some swim time. We decided to just swim at the dock rather than walking down to the public beach a mile or so away. Everyone went swimming -- including hubby -- and we even had a water fight! The water was just the right temperature and felt so refreshing after the long drive.....everyone splashed around and laughed.......it was so fun & relaxing. After swim time, we began cooking dinner and planned our marshmallow roast & campfire for later that evening. The kids loved making smores and sitting around the campfire. They were completely worn out and asleep before 9 p.m. --- wow!

Our nephew brought over his paddle boat the next day along with a fishing pole. A few of the kids had gone on a paddle boat ride last year when we visited, but not everyone had.....and only son #2 had tried fishing before (he tried it when his class from school went on an overnight camping trip). All of them (aside from Taz) were eager to try out the paddle boat, and all were looking forward to having their cousin teach them how to fish. That of course was a special memory -- watching their older college-aged cousin stand on the dock and teach them each how to fish. In some ways it was also a bittersweet moment.....it reminded me of how much my parents had loved to fish, and how my mom always wanted to be able to teach the boys how to fish and perhaps take them fishing during one of our visits.....but she never got the chance due to her Alzheimer's and other health issues. As I watched our nephew teach the boys how to fish, I remembered my promise to mom -- "yes mom, I promise I'll teach the kids how to fish and take them fishing." As I sat there on the deck and watched the boys learn to fish, I couldn't help but smile.....I'm sure their grandma was watching from Heaven smiling as well.

Because of the area where we live, there aren't many lakes that are "good" for fishing -- and there aren't that many clean lakes for swimming (the public pools are too crowded), thus it's been difficult to teach the boys how to swim....especially when you only own a little blow-up style kids pool. I watched with pride as the kids swam around by the dock the first 2 days we were there, and how they splashed around at the local beach.....the 3 oldest boys becoming comfortable enough to try to swim without having to wear their life jackets. We had bought swim masks and a snorkel for them before our trip, and they each took turns using the snorkel and diving under water. By the end of the week, the 3 oldest boys were swimming like they had been doing it their entire lives --- the life jackets were only used when we took a boat ride. Even our youngest was doing a much better job of swimming, although he still felt more comfortable wearing his life jacket.

By day 2, they were all enjoying fishing so much that our nephew decided to bring over another fishing pole. Later that afternoon, we drove to a nearby town and stocked up on a few other supplies (mostly grocery items) and bought 2 fishing poles for the kids -- one was a simple casting rod and the other a cane pole (something that reminded me of special memories from my childhood). Each day of the trip they spent some time either fishing from the dock or the shoreline of the lake. We also took a few boat rides & tried fishing out in deeper water. Taz was hesitant to get into the boat, no matter how much hubby & I tried to convince him that it would be safe. Finally after hubby made a deal with him, he agreed to try a trip out in the row boat with just mommy. The deal was -- Taz goes for a ride in the boat, and in turn daddy would try fishing. Now for those who may not know, this was a HUGE deal -- hubby has never fished in his life. He had NO desire what-so-ever to try fishing, does NOT like worms or fish or anything that is "unpredictable".....but he was willing to "take one for the team" if it meant that Taz would try going on a boat ride. Taz did well on his first boat ride (only leaned over the side a little bit) and hubby actually caught 2 very tiny fish! Of course it was still mommy's job to run from kid to kid (and hubby) to bait the hooks, remove the fish from the hook after they had been caught, untangle the fishing line if the kids cast the pole the wrong way, etc. Son #2 caught a few fish, including a large bass. Taz caught a big perch on his first solo attempt (fishing from the dock), and the two youngest boys each caught a few small fish as well. Even I -- who had not fished since I was a kid -- caught several fish, including a very large bass! I was able to re-connect to some special moments from my childhood while on this trip, and felt such a peace every morning as I stood on the dock fishing. Many special memories were made that week.....and I know my mom would have been all smiles if she would have been there.

This was by far the most relaxing family vacation we've had in a long time. Taz felt very comfortable and "at home" at the cottage......he followed the rules very well and actually went to sleep before 9 p.m. on most nights and slept in on most mornings as well (which is totally unlike him)......on mornings when he did wake up early, he didn't try to leave the cottage or the safety of the deck. He usually just sat watching TV quietly or sat out on the deck playing his video game. He knew if the gate was closed & locked, then that meant "do not go off the deck" -- if the gate was open/unlocked, then either his dad or I were out on the dock or sitting in the tree swing and it was ok for him to join us. Most mornings, I woke up before everyone else.....and after enjoying my morning coffee while looking out at the lake and beautiful scenery, I'd wander out to the dock and fish for a little while. There were quite a few times when Taz would join me......it was a peaceful time and we bonded. I think somehow in his own way, Taz understood what a special vacation this was. 

The kids enjoyed spending time fishing, swimming at the dock or the public beach nearby, roasting marshmallows & sitting around the camp fire, and going for rides in the boat. One afternoon when it was obvious that hubby needed a nap, I decided to "take one for the team" and take all of the boys for a boat ride. Since Taz still refused to go on the paddle boat, I took everyone out in the row boat. Boy what an adventure that was!!! It had been years since I had tried rowing a boat, and attempting to row a boat full of kids was even more of a challenge.....especially with a bad shoulder! Trying to get everyone to sit still & not lean over the side to look at the fish in the water was difficult. They all kept turning around to look at the other cottages and people enjoying the lake as we rowed past.....and at one point the wind picked up a little bit, thus trying to row against the current wasn't easy. Did I mention how HUGE the lake was? Yep, going on a row boat ride with 4 kids seemed like a good idea when we left the safety of our dock.....but once we were half way around the lake and trying to row against the currant in a boat that kept rocking from side to side due to moving kids, I began to doubt just how great of an idea this little boat ride was! Despite all of that, we made it back to the safety of our dock -- the kids had enjoyed themselves even though my shoulder was killing me, so I guess that is what matters the most. Our boat ride was a bit comical as well.....the youngest son decided he didn't want to sit next to Taz and tried to move next to me, then Taz traded places with son #2 & son #3, then on the ride back Taz wanted to attempt to stand up but quickly realized it wouldn't be a good idea. At one point son #2 screamed at him "sit down fat ass -- you're going to tip the boat over!" I tried not to laugh, even though it was kind of funny.....and instead tried to keep a straight face as I told son #2 "we don't use that word, remember?!" At one point when the wind picked up and it became really hard to row against the current, "someone" threatened to smack everyone upside the head with an oar if they didn't sit still and stop fighting. But we made it back to the dock safely, the oars were only used for rowing the boat, and overall the boat ride was fun. As we reached the dock, I couldn't help but think "I hope hubby enjoyed his nap, cause I need a drink now!"

We enjoyed spending time with the in-laws and nephews......the boys enjoyed several nights sitting by the campfire roasting marshmallows, playing with their cousins, perfecting their swimming skills, learning to fish.......and we even spent some time playing board games and putting together a few puzzles. Yes....it was a very relaxing vacation! We took lots of photos, made many wonderful memories, and the kids were able to experience many "firsts" during this vacation --- their first time fishing, going on boat rides, seeing swans up close for the first time, learning to skip rocks, seeing a HUGE snapping turtle (seriously, this thing was as big around as my laundry basket!), collecting sea shells along the beach, catching minnows, and seeing loons land on the lake. There were many different birds and other wildlife creatures that just aren't around in the area where we live....thus it was pretty cool to see the looks on the kid's faces each time they saw a new type of bird, fish, or other animal. 

Aside from the many memories made and the wonderful relaxing time spent as a family, this vacation meant something else to me.......it gave me the chance to re-connect with myself and sort out some things that I had been struggling with. Like my feelings about the conflicts with my siblings, my mother's death, etc. Ever since mom passed, I had been struggling with my emotions and had allowed my anger to build regarding my siblings and they way they have acted for so many years. Even though I had cut them out of our lives -- I was still allowing them to hurt me with their actions & words, and as a result I was becoming bitter and angry......at them and at myself for allowing them to affect me in such a way. I had let go, yet somehow I was still holding on --- perhaps holding on to the hope that they would change, even though in my heart I knew they never would? I'm not sure.....all I do know is that I didn't like the person I was becoming, and I wanted this to be done -- I wanted closure and the ability to let them go and move on, focus on my own family. Remember how I described in one of my previous posts about how I had cut them out of our lives? Well, I was struggling with my emotions over that -- and had asked mom & dad to give me a sign to let me know that I had made the right decision. All week long the signs were there -- one after another, but it just didn't click until the day before we were suppose to leave to head home. The first night we were there, my husband had a very vivid dream -- something he doesn't normally do. As he described the dream to me, I knew instantly why my mom had appeared to him in the dream and what it was she was trying to say.

The signs were there --- I felt a connection almost instantly to the land and the area we were in.......it was the land of my native ancestors. I had a dream about those ancestors a few nights later, and several "truths" were revealed in that dream......but it wasn't until later in the week when I actually sat out on the deck sipping my morning coffee and thinking about it all that things started to make sense. The other signs......the way I felt drawn to fishing, even though many years ago I had sworn that I'd never touch a fishing pole or eat fish ever again in my life.....yet there at the cottage in the north, I felt a peace that I hadn't felt in ages. I felt a strong connection to my parents, and could understand what they were trying to tell me. Another sign....one night as hubby & I sat on the deck enjoying the quite of the lake (after the kids had gone to sleep) just sitting there chatting --- all of a sudden this huge Luna Moth flew up right into my face, then landed on my head and flew back in my face and just hovered there for a moment before flying off. Luna moths are very rare to see around here --- I hadn't seen one in years (there's a story behind the moth that I'll share later, but it has something to do with my mom). And another morning while sitting on the deck enjoying my morning coffee, a little humming bird did the same --- flew right up into my face and just hovered there in front of me for a few moments before flying off. That humming bird was so close it could have hit my eyeball with it's beak!

The night hubby's sister and her family came to visit, we talked about all of this -- while we sat there talking, a huge blue bird did a drive-by and buzzed the top of my head nearly flying right into me! We all laughed, but to be honest it freaked me out a bit! I began to connect the dots and realize all of the signs that I had been given by mom & dad throughout the week......as I sat and talked to my sister-in-law about it, I realized that mom & dad were trying to tell me that although it had been painful, I had made the right decision in regarding the choice to cut my siblings out of our lives.....it was time to let them go and let go of the pain, the heartache, the anger, the resentment, etc and focus instead on my own family and our happiness. My family --- hubby & the kids -- was all I needed, they were what mattered the most. As I looked towards the sky and said "ok mom & dad, I get it." a shooting star flashed across the night sky.....I looked at my sister-in-law and said "did you see that?!" She laughed and said "yeah, now stop asking them for signs before a whole planet drops on our heads!"

Anyhow....that is how our vacation went. We enjoyed our stay at the cottage to the north. We made a lot of special memories and took lots of photos. We bonded as a family and the kids enjoyed what I hope will be just the first of many "family vacations".......as we drove home I felt a peace.....it's hard to describe, but it's something I haven't felt in a long time.